today is today, unlike the other day, but it's still yet another day...

Well, where do we start?

Okay, let's drop the bomb with no further hassles.

I cut myself, by accident.

It was, my left index finger.

I'm so done with knife accidents.

But today, is perhaps the epitome of most accidental injury.

Mind you, it's hard to digest what I'm showing here.

That's, my fella, is the injury.

I've bandaged it with a positive pressure, because even after a few hours already, it is, still an open injury.

The darkened blotch of where a finger nail supposedly be, is oxidized blood.

I slipped while cutting a cabbage shreds, and hit directly and went through with the santoku I'm holding at that time, and chipped nearly half of my fingernail, exposing what lies underneath,

What a genius I am.

And as you perhaps might not know.

Underneath your nails, are full of blood vessels.

So, without positive pressure on the dressing, I'm going to continue on oozing blood from the wound. But the tightening from the bandage is constricting the blood flow, deprived my tissues of oxygen.

I'm going to keep watching on it waiting the clots to finally formed so I can release the pressure and wish for a speedy healing.

As you know already, my constant tremors hindered me from normal activities that even babies could do. 

Well, not babies, it's an exaggeration.

But, even holding still a knife blade in position is hard for me.

It's sad, for real, and it is painful, both in heart and physically on my index finger now.

But yes, the me that you know so far, is this weak and mortally feeble me. And I'm upset with this faulty physical body.

But this to, need to make do, that this feebleness is temporary, there is still a better promise of perfection when Christ returns.

So despite all, I'm trying my best, with this God given response, to wait in this promise of His.

So, pardon me, from putting a hiatus for further posts at least until my finger get healed.

So, till we meet again, world...

> >Read More

picking up where I left previously...

After I posted the entry 4 days ago, and after I reconsider what I write, It's simply doesn't make any sense.

It sounded like something you'd find from a fictional stories.

Well, I'm not trying to blow smokes from my ear, nor am I being superlative, but to some degree, there are truth from what I posted previously.

It's going to be lame, picking up whatever bomb I've dropped, and polishing it some more.

No, because that's how a make belief lies work.

What I'm aiming to say now, is that I'm going to attempt judging those bollocks sounding tale, and perhaps picking a better perspective to it.

Here's some of the points I'm providing previously...

1. I was rather 'unique' in how I perceived things smelling spiritual.

2. I was yet so eagerly pursuing whatever I can find a long it's about some special things we called magic.

3. Although it's short, I was once in contact with people blatantly pursuing magic from the worship of satan.

4. I no longer practice magic, not because I won't, but rather, no longer can.

5. I still done my research from past script, literatures about magic.

...

I will be very careful from here on, not to get lost in thoughts and stay on track.

What I'm trying to argue initially,

Is 

If, there is a possibility for redoing my life from start, 

Then, perhaps, I might did the same as my present.

Why?

Simply said, something is wrong in my head.

What's wrong? I dunno.

But,

If I argue that I have a rather active imagination, that won't be it either.

Yes, I am a nerd, and to be completely fair. I am also nourishing my mind and my sane judgement with science.

By quoting science, doesn't completely make my argument make sense either, still.

But note and mind this one thing.

What I've written, is also based on my internal judgement, that is also fully aware of scientific facts.

Now, let's make a what if scenario, 

First let's establish a common ground, let put my whole life on this pedestal, all my past shame, mistakes, stupidity, craziness, and my pain. All of those thing that made me 'me'.

But let's put this utmost doubt in my life as the sole point of rhetoric argument.

Why Joshua did succumb to the doubts and willingly say he practiced occults.

I am sounding mentally challenged here. As if I'm mad is not even enough for a side gesture.

Why?

This modern culture we had at hand today, is based on the leap in scientific progress the past century.

We are transformed in a hundred and some decades apart from barbaric savage like those middle eras where people simply died from plague, famine, and witch hunts.

I am to satire in this aspect, all in all, while I am, for a fact. Tried to understand the world, even from scientific point of view.

Of a laymen, saw a thunderbolt struck a tree out of the blue with no cloudy storm nor rain.

Maybe, they will argue, some kind of spiritual entity is going berserk and let loose a thunderbolt.

Or, scientifically speaking,

Maybe the electric current in the humidity and the neutral current in earth, met together, and the electric current on the atmosphere, met it's saturation and need a release, hence a bridge of flash connection appeared, in the form we call a thunderstrike.

I'm not all looney yet, I am still sane enough in the aspect of my judgement about spiritual things.

I am not an atheist, for sure, but I am not a blind theist either that blindly and willingly goaded with what explanation a religion served me.

My own motto is, to experience my facts for whatever we called faith.

I'm not claiming to be better, in fact I'm of a low faith, hence I need proof for anchoring my faith.

There are, in fact, limitations to science.

And today's logic of base-ing all arguments with science perspective, had a big hole on the logic itself.

Who on earth is still alive at present time, that witnesses the creation of the universe.

So, science is what you see, what you taste, what you measure, and what you feel from an observation.

Some people observed another, and make theory about it.

But,

That is, based with their subjectiveness, 

Let say, if I observed a person, of how they lived their daily routine, and make a summary based on my observations alone. 

It's solely depend on what I perceived from my observation. It was subjective once again.

But if, I incorporate the objectivity, and  including the person being observed, to provide me an insight from him, of how he did his daily routines.

That's a common ground from our perspective and view point bridging to settle on some terminological standing.

But, does it become the ultimate truth?

Maybe, but maybe not.

They can be wrong one one side, or both are wrong at the same time.

Or they can both be right at the same time either.

So, in short, there is no wrong or right to an approach.

I can see the clouds and argues this cloud formed from something in the sky, or I can drag my explanation by stating the stratospheric pressure this and that met this humidity, that generates air currents, and when the temperature is down, the clouds be this be that.

Or I can say this cloud is good omen, or not, or whatever I see fit.

It's like you complaining that you are in pain and went to pay the doctor a visit, only stating you are feeling pain. Then the diagnosis will differ from one doctor to another.

If you go to eye doctor, they will say your eye is sick.

If you go to brain doctor, they too will say your brain is sick.

If you go to bone doctor, they're gonna say your bone is the problem.

So, my dear fella.

I see the world with my own glasses.

I look up to the sky and feel stunned with how vast and amazing is the majesty I see, and I'm inspired by some unknown and inexplicable sensation to find out about it.

But scientific explanation doesn't amaze me even if I understand it completely.

So I'm asking, was there something more left unexplored?

So I'm curious, simply dragged me curiosity on a long marathon run.

They say, that invisible realms exist.

I say, give me a proof.

And they can't make whatever invisible turn visible at will.

So, I think, maybe something in me is not ready, so I simply do what it takes to understand and see the invisible, while learning unnecessary weights while doing so.

I don't have an explanation nor any terminology to best capture how I feel, or how I walked the path, and what I gained when I reached my destination.

Why?

Because it will be sounding too insane, so much so, I am going to be suspected as mentally ill.

Unless you are also on the same path as me, then you will think I'm crazy.

Only people standing on the same ground level see esch other eye to eye.

In this modern logic, it's going to sound dumb, retarded, crazy, pitiful.

While in truth, it's the modern cold world that is pitiful.

We are playing houses, chasing a broken dream, we are thinking we building a castle while in truth we are collecting dust in our sack.

                                                                                                      

This is my what if, finally.

If, I can restart my life right to the starting point, the moment I born.

As I lived my life, growing up 

I think, I will still pursue spirituality.

Even if I'm not a victim of domestic abuse.

Even if my family situation is different from the present life.

Even if I cannot see ghosts from birth.

Even if I'm completely different from my present life version.

I think, what's wrong is within me, deeper than what the bare eyes can see.

I am thinking, even if, despite my way of pursuing magic is walking in a circle pointing to nowhere as I had no teacher to guide me, despite its meeting a dead end only to convert from magic to something else, a total waste, I will still do it all over again.

Why?

Because I know one thing for sure.

The universe does not come into being on its own.

That an Entity addressing Himself as God, is in control. And God who reveals Himself through the name of Jesus, from what we can find as it is told in the Bible... Is in charge of all probability, beyond all causality law.

I believe strongly, even if my first plunge head first toward magic is given a better chance of redoing or undoing, I will still redo it the same.

Why?

It took my desperate act of wanting to die and my first suicide attempt, in order for me to opened my heart to Christ.

I need to see for myself, however powerful magic can do and what glorious wonder they can produce, it's still drive me to a desperation, that there is an end that even magic cannot conquer.

And that, is where the final push came into place, that no matter how powerful a person with magic, what kind of magic they practice, there is one thing for sure. God is the all encompassing final Truth that magic cannot perceive.

So, even after my conversion, where I continuously learn about what spirituality exist that I have not previously aware of. The more I learn, the more I'm strongly understand the final end limitations to magic.

But the past me never know that.

The past me need to be slain to his desperation, the past me need him to see there is no future with magic, so let's us just die, and finally get to know that Jesus is real.

So, here we are... It's a closure to magical chapter, it is a final adieu with no turning back. 

Even, if I'm a somewhat adept in things related to magic, from 1 to 100 scale I'm somewhere in the 70s or 80s if you make a scale of measurement for what I've gained and collected in my head.

Even if I had my gifts for it. I need to see, that even of I got a chance to re-do my whole life and started pursuing the genuine pure magic that is completely uninterrupted by demonic nor any other influence, even if I somewhat able to establish a whole new path to magic system all by my own attainment then, I will need to see the bitter end that drive me to my desperation.

So I can finally see Christ.

Yes... So I can see Christ at last...

> >Read More

I personally believe that this all is predestined, a what if argument.

I am, despite my theological background and my personal doctrinal belief, is a strong believer of force of fate.

No, not that kind of sense for a fate, but rather, in essence, that all things happened, happening and will occur, are all already predetermined and well premeditated long before the whole cosmos birthed. That nothing is really an accidental occasion, as if a part of a grand and yet also a meticulous design.

What will be, surely will be, what's been determine to occur, will still occur no matter what. That all things in the whole cosmos are already set in stone, even long from the eternity before time.

But I am not using this arguments to defend myself for why I did what I've done.

Mind you, this is not a justification cause, nor it does me a ground to argue for my own righteous, as it brought me no justice nor any benefit.

As you may or may not know, once again, I'm an ex-occult.

No, not the box-office spell casting wand waving one kind of an occult, yes in the utmost limited mean, but not just at that sense only.

If I might say myself, I'm rather, a sophisticated thinker, specialising in the hidden knowledge behind those very things we called occult.

I begin my foolish quest when I'm in such a young age.

I can see apparitions, as such and by such, I'm not claiming to be 'special' in any way, no. But rather this darn ability is the very first trap hole that lured me in.

So, from the very beginning, I got a headstart from most occult pursuer.

Some people spend years on meditation and rituals only to open a small part of their psyche to let them see, or rather, peered in small glimpses on what's on the other side, but I spend less time for that, as it brought me no benefit, I'm able and already capable to stare at the other side, so I can focus more on the more important part of occult pursue.

In Christianity terminology, all things beside Christianity beliefs, in the scope beyond worshipping God and pursuing Jesus, is deemed as occult.

So, simply said, praying to a deity's from other religion pantheon is already an occult act.

Meditation is already an occult practice.

Chanting in other Sanskrit canon is occult.

Everything is occult, and deemed as paganism.

But no, in my perspective, an occult, is more a personal enrichment to pursue a rather, 'enligthened' state, and while doing so, the pursuit of so called awakening, supernatural abilities is tapped and aroused to be in a rather semi-perpetual state of release.

How do I say without sounding fake? Er....

Let's put it this way, the pursuit is done in order to tapped into something dormant in all creation, and when that source is aroused to the surface, a state we called as 'awakening' occurred, and that make the person becomes more aware of something else from the other side, and with a constant revelation to whatever there, an innate capacity is awakened in them, making such person to be able to produce some smaller scale of a knock-off miracle-like phenomenons. That if we translate them into older generations terminology, simply put, magic.

Now, as a person coming from the other side, I will tell you, it's not that horrendous like those claims by the preacher in churches, nor they were beautiful like those wand waving fantasy modern movies.

Even, among many occults, there are many things to learn to. As the world's culture is complex, and so is magic. Magic differs from one culture to another, and most crudest and ancient surviving practice were heavily induced and laced with tales, folklores, rituals according to respective traditions.

So to say, an Indian yogis from Varanasi's way of pursuing their discipline is different from the Baba's witchery practice from Slavic folklores. And it will surely different in practice with other cultures practice.

So, I first started with a meditation discipline, to make whatever visible to be even clearer in vision.

And what's closest in my reach. So I pursue Taoism,

When I moved to Jakarta, after those book about black magic written from Western ideology of magic, I soon convert to satanism, and practices both.

When I met other satanist, I learned more, and finally settled myself as alchemist, in a sense, a pursuer of universal truth.

Alchemy, is a combination of many discipline and knowledges.

First, astronomy, then biology, then herbology, linguistic, crude chemistry, philosophy, even religion. It's a multi versatile all-rounder discipline, as the ultimate goal of alchemy is the unity of heaven and man, which is only possible if you attain the universal ultimate truth, th hidden knowledge hidden behind the thread of dimensional plane.

This is too New Age sounded arguments, the most mind unstable post I perhaps will ever wrote for this particular blog, ever!

Western's alchemy previously brought from Baghdad, somewhere from the 6th to 10th century, and before you know it, it's entered the Roman Catholic church, even monks, philosophers practice them.

It's surely beneficial to the science progress, since most invention later leads to the advancement of our technological civilization.

Let say, how does metal refinery progress from a simple melting and smashing metal bars now including some alloy mixture, metal enrichment, and so on.

Even the accidental sweeteners from urea fermentation used in 14th century is a by-product of alchemy pursuit. 

Some surviving knowledge, begin to flourish somewhere in 18th century, and that's brought us back to reality. 

I believe back then, by pursuing my quest, I'm somehow getting myself to perfection, getting closer toward the mystery of the universe. Lo and behold how naive I was.

Of course I'm aware of how demon's snaring lies work. I've seen one or two perhaps in my life, real demons that is..

But no, not all magic is demonic powered. At least mine isn't, and I guaranteed you to my best clear conscience. Despite I did attempt a demonic pact, I didn't, despite succeeding in evoking a real demon from the other realm in my 2nd story wooden flooring bedroom.

A real demonic apparition manifesting itself is accompanied by a burning aroma, like you burn a jumble heap of hair, yes it smells like a burning hair. Heaps of hair.

Anyway,

Now, what I'm about to reveal is rather too controversial, and too hard to believe with a working sanity.

But believe me, I tell you no lie in these following,

Aftery conversion to Christianity, I didn't stopped completely.

I still, in magic practice, continue on for one year or so until I completely quit doing such, simply saying, I quit because my car is out of juice, so no matter what, it won't start nor budging. So I quit for the better.

But,

In my pursuit for knowledge, some kind of occult wisdom. I never really quit.

As I learn more philosophy, or as I learn more about other beliefs system, and their respective theological arguments, I get a new glimpse of how supernatural realm works. 

Even as a theologian scholar myself, I cannot help to notice those spiritually aspect of truth hidden from biblical verses.

So, to sugarcoat and to shorten my explanation, I did, reach a somewhat mental state fit to be called as 'awakening' in the occult world sense.

As I never see this or that with a stubborn prejudice, I keep analysing what's behind such claim operating like this or that in respective belief system.

So, I get a real view about things hidden behind the curtain.

Mainly, of how Satan work behind the curtain to utilise the previous heaven to be his kingdom, and how the demonic force, lie to the whole occult system of belief, that only they govern magic.

To be more explicit about it, if per say, I'm a paranormal does their supernatural job, the one who act behind the scene were demonic forces.

Even of you try to dig deeper about this, multiple ancient mysticism practice is closely related with some special super entity which establish a pact with the human and powered them to do magic.

You might see some remaining examples in today's shamanism practice. Like Korean shamanism, the mudang is like any normal human being, until they get visited by the 'deities', a kind of spirit, that will possess their body, when summoned to do the mudang task.

Or the guardian angels in today's Wiccan practice, or the spirit animals in Native American shamanic practice.

While in truth, with enough training, every human being can reach the capacity to do such with not even an ounce of help from demonic force.

I simply reached the mental state because ofy constant pursue for what's hidden behind the mystery of this world.

I'm not claiming to be special, once again no, I'm not delusional enough and will never be, in order to claim that I'm no longer a normal human being. I still humane enough, I cried and I laughed, I got happy and upset, I am as normal as any of you. It's just what I've come to realise set me aside from the rest of your normal day human being.

The realization is what make me 'awake' toward what hidden behind the shroud of mystery, and enabled me to tap into what latent potency inside of my psyche. A seed of godly nature the Creator breathe into human, as all human is created in His image.

I may be no longer able to do magic today, but, knowledge about it is still within me to this very second.

I don't know why, but I had this better judgement about magic since early on. I got enticed with it, amazed by it, and fancy it, as if a good light was spot on top of it since early on.

Maybe this is why I crazed about it, not only because of the hatred of being sacrificed in a secret ritual by my dad.

I'm rather attracted towards it long before those whole abandonment and running away dramas and before the black magic induced chest pain started.

I, am, an alchemist, a pursuer of truth, that stopped because I found a better Truth in Christ. But it doesn't compensate for what I did, my thirst for knowledge continues on even after seminary years.

.......

I'm getting dull here, the direction I'm heading is a loop, and rather ambiguous.

So, let's put the climax here in front, before I bore you.

This is, a knowledge that is kept under heavy secrecy, and rather, the biggest hidden knowledge the occult world ever had.

That every human is possible to awaken their innate potency, of being aware about the mystery behind the supernatural veil, and to, contain whatever force hidden behind the findings after awakening to the other side's truth.

Simply put, a human body, is not all there is to it.

A human, isn't only limited to their physical form, their thinking mind, but also their soul.

Now, there are other two body, that I so keep myself from putting into this writings for all these time.

An energy body, and a bliss body.

The energy body is about the vital force a human produce throughout their lives, it is the energy that powered your natural healing abilities, your cell regeneration, your metabolism.

So no, not sorry, that those things aren't done simply by a billion cells of brain synapses.

And bliss body, is the utmost hidden awareness you brought to active from their long hibernate mode, and that's what govern your capacity for spirituality.

Mind me, this is not in the Bible. Here, a grain of salt.

When a person meditate, simply put, stopping themselves from their routine and simply be there, in the present moment and stopping unnecessary urges to do things, distancing their brain, body and heart from the hecticness of the normal world, the first thing a person will encounter, will be emotions. 

They will be more aware of what they feels, how it affects them, how they interpret the message and how they behaves about it.

But if you didn't stopped only there, but push forward, deeper inside, then, the root for emotions and the root of sensation will be revealed.

You will see, that your emotions is yet only a mere hot air blowing outside-in, arousing your skin, revolving beyond your body, but they tend to make that all your life is about them and them only.

When you push deeper in the meditation, then inner hidden desires will resurface, what you really are is here. And this, according to many scrolls and scriptures of multiple different occult and esotericism tradition, will be the hardest part to conquer, to defeat oneself.

It's hard to encounter who you really are, and not little, went mad because of it. So, yes, a wrong step here, will turn a person mad, literally mentally challenged, with no cure. Try it if you may, try to counsel a mad occult practitioner, some went mad due to their spells, some develop a megalomania symptoms, thinking they are gods and such, some simply end their lives, some practice perversions, like the all sensational A.S. back in the 90's, the 'dukun' who is better known as a serial killer with about 42 total known victims, all ladies ranging of age around 11-30.

The man, practice something akin to a vajra body spell, the kind of things making your physical body immune to harm, like bladed weapon, or even bullet.

There are many inkling in Indonesian occult belief, that a proper sorcerer will be immune to anything, and hence on they will be a powerful mystic healer.

Now, the man claimed that his deceased father came to him in a dream, telling him to collect 70 young women's saliva, all need to be deceased young women.

So, the madman killed his clienteles, to speed up the ritual, from 1986 till the date of his arrest somewhere in 1997, totalling around 42 women, possibly more.

This, is what happened when a practitioner unable to pass through his third obstacle, innate desires, making a sane mind unable to process logic with no possible way of return.

After the third obstacle, if you push further, your consciousness will meet your essence. Simply put, it's your first glimpse of what's inside your 'self', a first encounter with your soul.

A soul, is a vessel for mystery, because our soul came from God, it is capable to reproduce something superior, there is more to it, but let say, the soul, can induce a similar phenomenon that the layman called as magic.

So far, no satan, no demon, angels, ghost, deities or whatnots here. It's only a human soul showcasing it's dynamic potencies.

And that's the true path of spirituality.

But, it took a normal average human more than 10 years to awaken their inner mind, and maybe 10 more years until their first encounter after passing the third hurdle of meditation, that is the general trend from thousands of years statistics data recorded in many traditional occult.

So, human created gods out of needs, and gods granted human with power. 

This is the history of tribal shamanism theology which with years of cultural exchange and integrations, a proper crude religion is born.

The mesopotamian had their deities, you can find more like the epic of Gilgamesh, the oldest surviving mythology. And yes, it's the very first thing I read after officially pursuing magic.

Then after the Phoenician, Nile civilization brought their own interpretation of religion, crafting their version of pantheons, the Greeks brought Olympus into play soon after, simultaneously the Vikings brought their Nordic believe and Valhalla entered the scene. The Chinese brought Pan Gu, Nuwa, Fuxi, into their tribal religion, as the Indus civilization brought their Ganges River using Siva's hair from the outer cosmos.

All these big mythology came simultaneously, similar in storylines, different in final product and interpretation. So, at the same time, something behind the veil must be colluding to create these big confusions to Earth.

Satan and his angels playing an opera wearing masks and play pretend while dividing their roles as Zeus, Odin, Ra, Amaterasu, Jade Emperor, Vishnu, and whatever their name are.

Don't forget, we're only around, for at least 11 millenias already, so many things happened behind the scene. Making human so thick and crude and dull like this.

Human is rather busy gathering riches, fame, or busying themselves with conflicts, wars, playing house and playing kings.

That's why according to modern civilization popular ideology, I'm a weirdo, and according Christianity, I'm a heathen and a pagan.

I admit, that I studied other religions scriptures and literatures on the side.

Hence I know, and had a personal insight about those topics.

 philosophically speaking, if you understand their philosophy, you will understand their respective branchings of discipline. On what's on the front and also what's hidden behind the scene.

So I did.

Now, where was I? In the terms of awareness awakening.

Using all of the things I learned about mysticism, esoterics, occults, spiritualities, all combined together. I gained an insight, that can be explained from a Yahwehnian believer's perspective.

In theory, it's enough to enable me to reproduce something beyond simple causality law. In theory alone.

But, to be completely honest with you.

Magic, isn't simply as a hand gestures, wand waving, spell incantations alone.

That's not all, there are many more there is to it.

2 elements about the phenomenons we called magic, is needed before the phenomenon will be able to be produced in materials realm.

Omniscient, and omnipotent.

It's a hyperbole terminology actually.

Simply put, knowledge, and power.

You need proper knowledge for it to happen, of how magic is reproduced and how to reproduce it, including formulas developed though the ages about it. So, yes, some hidden literature exist about how-to's to magic.

And power.

It's not as simple as buying a toner cartridge for your printer to enable it prints something.

And surely not as easy as burning fuel to produce electricity either.

Hence most magic today, are demonic in essence. But real genuine magic that's untouched by demonic influence is rare.

I may not be the one and only know about this, but I simply know about it, no longer capable to do it.

Why?

When I quit, let's say.....

Wait, let me ask you a question.

How do you this, I escaped from satanic group, unscathed.

I'm only 14, or 15 back then. Think about it for a sec.

.....

Done?

Let me give you my answer.

As my long-winded ramblings before.

Of why I explained about the five bodies to a human beside their physical, mind and soul. There are also energy and bliss body.

The bliss body, is the body within a human soul, capable of powering magic.

And I, has no bliss body, no longer functioning.

To escape, I shattered my own magic vessel, when I attempting the suicide by ingesting poison, in the last moment before I fall unconscious on the middle room floor, on top my vomits, in the death and life struggle state, I did something inside my mind.

I'm quitting magic.

So i destroyed the hard-attained vessel for magic within me.

So, even if I wanted to, I cannot and won't be able to.

Good riddance isn't it?

This universe, work with one golden rule. Equivalent trade. It is the unspoken universal truth.

If you need something, you pay something of equal value.

It's not only applicable for our daily life, but to all things under the heaven.

I don't know who set the rule, but it exist.

To explain it simply, if you need to make a fire, a fuel is needed for it, and the cost of producing the fuel is paid for it.

How should I phrase it?

Let say it like this, in ancient times, a tree needs to die, dried up then you used the chopped logs to fuel the fire.

Nowadays we use butane burners, or some liquid petroleum gas.

Human drilled the seabed for oil and tapped the gases from earth. You see nothing about it?

Didn't you notice the heat nowadays? The worsening situation on our planet, the climate, the natural disasters, many things around, that came as price of this unnecessary harvesting the planet.

That's the best showcase for this equivalent trade rule.

Not today, but surely somewhere in the future, all human will pay the price for taking from Earth.

I'm sounding like a tree hugger now?

Let's catch some breath, and calm down for a bit. And I will continue someday.

It is just a rambling about nothing anyway.

So, till next time.

> >Read More

and once again, about abandonment...

9.34 am, 3rd of November.

I finished gnawing on my breakfast, while watching something on my phone, while waiting for Icik to return from the poultry vendor.

But my mind wander somewhere else while doing such.

I remembered about my past, and once again, about things happening during my childhood.

I'm really aware now that it's a big personal issue for me about abandonment.

My mom, who else if it's not about her.

The first thought is about the motorcycle that's currently parked at the side of the store terrace.

I keep the keys on the fridge beside me, while I seated on a blindspot if you see it from the street.

I don't know why I'm thinking about it while dozing off.

But I said internally, will I be able to catch a thief sneaking to grab the keys and made run of it?

Then it glimpsed on me, this scenery is pretty familiar.

I once did.

She, with whatever inside her mind, did that once on Sunday somewhere in the past few months before her last grand exit to Bali, which, also occurs on Sunday.

I heard her stopping on the front of the store, I heard the  stopping machine resounded from behind the door.

And she pauses for a few seconds before starting her motorcycle again and make a U-turn toward somewhere.

I don't know why, but I quickly jolted from my seat, opened the door, and chased her barefooted.

I managed to grab the backseat bar handle and stopped her.

It's a scene yes, but it was not a first.

Long before, back in my childhood.

A similar scene did happened.

I was 10, and she left me without reason while I'm still preparing myself. No reason no nothing, she just said previously that today's we're commuting with public transportation to A'i-po's place, so you prepare and then we go together. That's all. But she left suddenly without word of explanation.

The panicked chubby kid me, ran likey life depended on it to chased her. It's already 150 metres away from home when I caught her. I don't care that I'm buck naked at that time.

A question came to mind.

Why?

Why my mother is a neglecting mother, and an impulsive expert at it.

And why she is happy by choosing the abandoning card.

And lo and behold how it haunts me to this very day.

I'd be lying and a scam if I say I'm okay about it.

And I'll be a pathological liar to say that I can make peace with it easily and to forgive her for what she had done all of these years.

It's hard

It's painful

It's upsetting

And it sure never pleasant, nor a good childhood dreams come true.

It's horrible and it's a nightmare.

And I'm in pain about it.

Can you imagine how I feel?

Ask me then,

Do I hate her?

Not really, but it will be a lie to say that I didn't hate her at all, maybe a tiny little piece of hatred

But rather than hate, it will be more fit to say that I'm angry.

Do I continuously hate her?

No, only when the same thing and experience took place yes, but after that, I'll manage, I hope so.

Let us not forgetting her busying herself with cooking and she completely forgotten about the 1 years old me, walking all over using a baby walking cradle. She tied a string on the cradle and that's all.

The cradle flipped and a big stone turn into a pillow for my head to nest.

That's the mom that I know all about in my whole 34 years + 10 days.

And that's how painful it is to imagine how that impacts me with some intense years living with her under one household.

If Nana can say about her waiting for some plus hours after school until it's almost dark.

I'm not going to belittle her scar, but that's technicalities issue, they forgot about her due to misscomunication.

And maybe on her life, too, some similar experience did occurred to her from our mother's retrospective side.

But for me, mostly, more often than not, was done on purpose. She is completely aware of what she did and why she done that.

I shared a clip to Nana on IG some days ago.

A clip from Southern Thailand, a kid crying asking for something and his parents(perhaps, it's an older male), turned a filter on IG, and recorded the reaction.

It's a scary ghost thingies. And he did that to make the boy behave, by scare the sh*t out of this child.

As I translated their dialogue to Nana, that goes like this:

M: male(adult)

B: boy

The boy is asking something in local dialect, it's inaudible for me.

But what's clear to my ear is, when the phone's screen pointed to him, and the boy saw the scary ghost filter appearing behind him.

He uttered glua (scary, or simply 'I'm afraid in Thai)

M: here, greets them first.

B: sawadee krub (shaking with scared teary expression)

M: will you keep being naughty again?

B: No, I will not dare anymore...

M: Hah?

B: no, I won't do it again.

All the time the boy's eyes was glued to the screen due to fear.

Nana is absolutely against the use of fear inducing treatment to discipline kids.

So I know how bad and awful it took place on her.

My point of re-quoting this is, 

For the purpose of this story:

As you may or might not know already, I was (how do I say this?), rather unique, or different.

Without claiming to be special, I will blatantly explain, that my very eyes, can see supernatural beings.

It's the normal days for my kid me, to be able to see ghost.

Not because it's a paranormal activity occasion or a jumpscare situation.

If there is a ghost in the room, even if they aren't really trying to make themselves visible, I can see them.

Maybe that's why blood, gore, and some scary stuff no longer shake me.

It's pretty normal occurrence for me to see some bloddy or ghastly spectre.

I am completely unaware that what I saw is not visible to other, not until 6.

I thought it's normal for people to crawl on the floor with no leg from knee down, I thought it was normal for an eyeball to suddenly pop off from the socket.

That's until 6.

The kid that play with me in this new house, looks like some western kid, and while we play, his left eye fall from the socket. And yes, you bet, white and fat maggots crawling everywhere. And yes, you bet, I screamed to the top of my lungs.

Now, it's 7 or 8th years of age. And I was showering late at night.

My dad's still not returned home yet, Nana is already asleep in the bedroom.

And mom's is downstairs in the pantry, I don't know doing what.

But what I know, a face, gruesome face appeared behind the windowsill on the far end of the bathroom, it's the 2nd floor, and this face grinned scarily.

I quickly screamed calling for mom. "Mommy, mommy," but nobody answered, and she is nowhere to be found.

What I met is, the 1st floor lights was switched off, and she is sitting on the pantry, in the complete dark, with her eyes staring me, trying to scare me, unabated, completely still, as of she's not the mom I know.

And what you seen from the dialogue in the translated IG clip took place.

"Mommy, mommy, I'm sorry," etc. etc. I recalled saying to her.

And she make her voice sounds heavy to bring further fear.

Yes, as a child, I'm afraid of ghost, because I can see them all the time.

And old Chinatown in Padang is something else, they are everywhere becase there's plenty of old building, some centuries old shrines and so on.

The mom that I know, is some happy go lucky and abandoning mother.

She cared for her feelings as if she's the only victim, but completely unaware of any pain she caused her 3 kids.

And when things turned sour, she is very quick to have an affair, instead of turning to God.

This is no longer a humanitarian issue, nor a psychological issues.

It's only an issue due to nonexistent personal relationship with the One True God, not the imaginary superpower faraway land deity we tend to picture from heating church bench diligently on Sunday morning.

If Christianity only stopped until the end of onlygping to church, paying tithes, praying before and after sleep and before eating. It is not real.

The Jesus that such people know are only the Jesus from Nazareth, who feeds 5.000 men on the hill with 5 bread and 2 fish, who died on the cross, and ressurected on the third day, and 40 days later ascent to heaven.

That's all, finite.

But no, there is no true power in that kind of Christianity. No life transforming power from Bible reading then on such legalistic lifestyle of so to say "salvation"

But that, is how my parents raised in their church.

And that's the one quick to hell laid waste on earth of a marriage.

And that's the result we so deeply saddened nowadays due to sin groomed to maturity in a marriage of the so called 'Christian' household.

My dad is a heavy smoker, he smoke since the 3rd year of his middle highschool.

He is a well adept porn addict who thing nothing of a woman but an object of fantasy and pleasure, hence he treated my mom as a cow to ride. And make naughty vagabond with his female staffs or colleagues.

Hence he forced his peversion to my mom, and caused all of this peversion to this very end.

And my mom, is selfish and a hidden sexual fantasy addict.

It's quick to say yet easy to proof, due to the tons of Intisari books she so diligently collected in her personal library back in our home in Padang, not less than 40 monthly series, where some voyeur and erotic stories slipped in their monthly release.

How do I know?

Becaus I'm a bookworm myself, and I sure did read everything that had letters printed on it, all in my years living under their household.

So, yes, I read those books I stated, all of it, and got confronted by my dad because I read them for the voyeur and erotic stories, only to be defended by the owner, my mom.

While both are secretly porn addict according to each hobbies, one visual and sensual, one through fantasies.

Now, I'm laying this hidden dirty laundry out, and let you all judge them for me.

It is surely a laughing matter because I'm not better, I got to know porn since my 2nd years of elementary. A friend of Hansen, who becomey classmate in 3rd year, told us about his findings of his dad's porn stash. A VHR, which those kids played and warched to widen their vision of the world.

A things that I so struggle to conquer after my conversion to God. A personal sin that I sweat blood and tears to brought to the cross so it will be conquered through Jesus during my years of knowing God's Word.

If I personally can progress from my wickedness to this not so wicked heart, so much so that words came to life for me and the Jesus from the stories in the Bible suddenly come out from the Bible to lived in me, that I can claim I had a personal relationship with Him, a genuine and original relationship..

That's Christianity is all about and how that's all supposed to be,

But no, how I long for my family to also experiencing the similar joy I had found.

And lo, behold, how 18 years of conversion and personal struggles with God have transformed me, and how 44 years of legalism brought my parents to be how their lifes at present.

One secretly kept his cheating with his second wife stay in touch. How he spent times mostly watch her during he live session, how he only know how to stole money from the cashier.

And the other is happily on vacation in Bali for several months already, completely ignoring this ticking bomb of a marriage.

How can this be, and why is my family isn't like the other God obeying family.

Why does its the children that needs to suffer?

Why must the three of us their kids that is no longer kids, that need to cry our tears out to God in prayer for them, while they're so diligently hurting one another?

Oh why O'Lord?

> >Read More

about something embarrassing...

I only said this for the sake of retelling a story. First of all, I am not making myself as a victim, nor am I proud of what I've done. And even to this day I regret that I ever make such mistake.

November 1st, 2023, I started writing around 4.52 pm.

I was meditating just now, trying to calm down my mind by letting them subside when not given attention.

And it came to me, some memories resurfacing, of things I've done wrong.

And once again, especially about that darn book encounter in the bookstore.

About how I enthusiastically scribble the sigils back at home, light a candle and cast the incantations.

Why again and again they come back to me. I swear that I've quit for good, but why the temptation still pay me a visit every now and then, even after almost two decades.

So I prayed, asking forgiveness once again and rebuke the temptation in the name of Jesus.

And I return to meditating.

I'm not sure that I had told you about Danny, but, here we are, Danny is a good friend from senior highschool.

Danny is the friend that invited me to church, where the way back to Jesus is chanced upon me.

But before that, let me tell you about a way back in years hidden secret.

I was 6, or was it 7? Or 8? That's not really important.

What I'm assured of, is the place.

My parents does their monthly groceries shopping for toiletries and suchalikes in this particular store in Damar plaza, the miniature in scale of a shopping departure.

Damar plaza, is only 2 alleyways apart from home in Ujung Belakang Olo, it is the store that was attempted by the rioters as a looting target in 98's riot, only failed as the attempt was subdued by the use of tear gas by the military, and as the distance is really close to home, some escaping rioters found my house and hid inside the parking lot, behind the fence, as the police chased them.

Back at the story, I was 6 or 7, and I fancied this boxed drink, well, it's not a new story.

Y'all knew already that that Rp.1000,- boxed drink request wasn't granted.

So, this is what really happened back then.

At first I just hold the chrysanthemum tea drink, holding the carton packaging close to me.

But I don't know how, what I can remembered is, I broke the aluminium seal where you inserted the straw is.

And I drank the product.

Yes, it's stealing.

How much was it in today's currency? Rp.1.000,-? 6 cents in USD give or take.

It's not much to be honest, but I did feel guilty about it. Even to this very day.

The story, is about those hidden sin, those thievery be it on purpose, or by accident.

I admit, I'm a bad person, and I realised it now, that my heart was never clean since my first day on earth.

The Gameboy console my cousin had, I sneaked it inside my bag, just because I never had any.

I can only confess it and lived on with guilt in my heart.

I can even freshly remembered his expression and tone of speech when he called me thief with hatred in his breath when I returned the console a week later.

Game, is something forbidden in my household.

My mom's cousin, who once upon a time, lived with us for a time period, back in my 1st or 2nd grade elementary years.

Back then my dad is opening a thing similar to digital designer agency. 

So I do know what a Windows 95 pc looks like, and I too experienced the electric shock a PC power button typical for those era's pc did.

Okay, that uncle, installed games on the pc, and he even taught me how to insery a floppy disk and open the cmd and type the keyword to load the games 

Only for them to be uninstalled and thrown away by my dad the very night.

So, no, I didn't grow up with consoles. I don't know how does a Sega cassette games feels like, and surely never own anything be it Nintendo, or Ps, or whatever they be.

I only watch from the side, when my cousin played those game consoles that he doesn't even need to asked for but given by his dad so readily.

And that's, somehow become jealousy, and that jealousy, turn to this session of thieving. 

It's wrong and I know that.

But my heart bleeds about how does it feels back then, to not have any and can't help but compares what I had with what other's have.

And maybe that's the cause of my game addiction in teenage years. So much so that I skipped school only for playing games in some rentals.

I snort at how tragic and also pitiful this memory is, tragic because those games I played back then, I still had similar genre version in my phone.

A farming game, harvest moon, which no longer exist today, but I had stardew valley. Different, yet similar in gameplay.

Or Pokémon, well, I graduated from Pokémon, but I admit, back in senior highschool, I secretly installed games in my dad's notebook, and hid the games in utter secrecy in some misleading folder and I even got some vga emulator from Danny. Those years was Pokémon sapphire, crystal or whatever series they be during Pokémon golden eras.

Now, it's during my senior highschool years.

And this one, I can confess to you, I need to defense myself. I did it by accident.

I forgot the book title.

And this occurs in Gramedia.

As usual I spend my after-school hours in bookstores, if not in some net cafe playing Seal or PerfectWorld (mmorpg back then, yes Dota exist already, but I'm not a fan).

So, it's a book, a novel about some teenage stories, still, fantasy genres, filled with fairytale, magic and such.

I admit, I read Harry Potter, all 7 books, and also some companion books beside the novels.

That's back then, okay. I've burned the novels already. 

(Funny and also tragic, since I burned a fictional novels about magic while I did written a full in-depth grimoire about real magic in one of my other blogs [ I had several back in my highschool days], back in the days about real magic, how to, techniques, insights, knowledge, all that is inside my head, a perfect copy of it. sadly I long forgotten the address and the password to the blog, so it's still there somewhere. Please don't try to find it, promise?)

Where was I?

Yes, Gramedia, and the book is, initially, what I want to buy, but as I'm still browsing for other things, I put it i side my baggy pocket, I'm wearing a light brown cargo pants to mall, with side pocket big enough to hold a Bible on my knees pocket. So, I thought, let's put it there for later so I can use both hands to hold books and stuff.

By the time to pay, at the cashier, I forgot to submit that book. It's still in my pocket and I long forgotten it completely.

Only to realize it when I'm back at home, unloading my hauls, and found the thin novel book inside the right pocket.

Darn it... I don't know what to do, well back then I don't know.

But if it's today, I will return the next day, bringing the barcode sticker to pay for it. Which I did on daily basis nowadays, returning the next day to pay the misscounted item, despite it's the cashier fault nowadays and not mine.

That's how integrity is trained I suppose, not that I claim I'm a whole better person now.

I am not, it's just I lived on with guilty conscience and the burden made me more aware of how much damage I've caused by my past act.

And lastly, the embarrassment.

This time, it's rather a comedy drama.

I went to Daan Mogot, as usual, but with Danny, on week days.

Because he need to buy something, and so am I, my devotional booklet read for the next month release.

So, on the 2nd floor, where the Christian bookstore is, I went ahead and Danny followed suit.

What we didn't know is, two girls saw us from somewhere ahead.

It's unthinkable for an introvert like me to think this script for once, but it's wild, they asked Danny for personal contact number, not his, but mine. I still smirk my face like a duck and giggles in my head when I think of this.

So I run away.

It's literally a chasing scenario where I exited the store, after paying of course, and went to another story, only to be followed from behind.

So I went away again, and again, until they lost me.

Danny? He's long vanished to thin air.

Only to be found in Gramedia, we store our school bags there.

So he hid in one of the row of book shelves, leaving me to my fate.

My stretching my neck to find him, turns out brought up suspicion.

I was suspected for stealing.

Me and Danny was brought to the emergency exit, where we got questioned about and get probed for anything from the store.

Mind you, perhaps it's the drama of looking here and there that brought the suspicion, or was it my face recorded in the cctv some other day about that missing novel book.

But yeah, that one experience is an embarrassment, it's rather a humiliation instead of embarrassment to be truthful, but well, I did a mistake once there, and it's simply normal to get suspected.

Another one for the climax.

Fast forward to 2011.

It's last seminary years, and lastly, the last summer missionary trip.

It's not in Indonesia, but rather, Hong Kong.

Mind you, I had this old jacket, I worn for years, and maybe some months unwashed. The original color was dark green, but it's black of soot and dust when I'm in Hong Kong, yes I brought it, and wear black jacket like that on the middle of burning heat of summer days in Hong Kong.

After a return tram ride from Victoria park toward Causeway Bay, the last stop before returning to our hostel provided by the church somewhere in Queens road building.

I got stopped by men in blue uniform, some dress that I only saw from Stephen Chow movies. But suddenly 3 officer approached me, and as I am saying, I am Chinese in my ancestry, and this darn small eyes and facial features, mistaken me as locals. Good point if you asked me from another perspective, it means I can blend perfectly with locals. But not good in this situation. My Cantonese is whatever I can find from talking to the migrant workers from Indonesia in church that I served for a month, and it's only a week since I'm here. So, no, I can't speak Cantonese back then.

So I replied in English, and the officer, can't speak English.

While my other friends, is long gone ahead of me. They left me behind, unaware of the situation at their back.

As a civilized human, and moreover a tourist, I complied.

But the proceedings took too long and I'm soo lost in someone's country.

So, after some asking and answering with their broken English.

The problem is my choice of clothing articles. I was suspected initially as a drug smuggler. Lol 

Who wears black in this scorching 34°C summer?

Well, I did, it's hot, I know, but at least I'm not going to get tanned. And my goes to color in my wardrobe is always black since I prefer black most of the time.

So yeah, it's a funny one if you were in my shoes.

And I was this guy 180cm tall, weird tilted bowl haircut with this young look. Oh, mind me, I was 21 back then, so give me some space, I looked younger than my age and for my age with that funny haircut back then.

I did this daring manoeuvre for my thesis presentation, I forgot to cut my hair, and hair is one love hate topic in my campus back then. I once got chased by my dean, Mrs. Cecil, with scissors in her hands, because I'm always the one and only theological student with long hair, for a girl it's okay for sure, but I'm not a girl, wrong choice of reasoning she answered from behind me.

So yeah, it was a daring move of mine, I took a scissor from the kitchen and trimmed my hair to the barely acceptable standard of thesis presentation dress code.

So, to fix the damage, I asked the office-boy from campus, Rudy Hutabarat, God give rest for his soul.

I'm quite close with him as a friend back in those years, since I'm pretty much friends with the office staffs back then.

So, Rudy, trimmed the hair into whatever the resulting end that I wear to Hongkong.

Flat line around my head, only a small tilt on my left eye, a bit longer on that side by mistake.

Wait, I think I had a digital evidence for that, oh well, It's on Facebook, my Hk's mission trip album, I took a wefie with some girls from Chongqing international student program.

It's warm inside my heart when I reminiscing about things from the past.

Oh well.

I thought for myself that this might be an embarrassing topic and a down mood story, but I felt release in the end, and warm.

That whatever happened back then, took part in the play to make me like today. Not perfect still, and not even good enough. But at least I'm trying my best to be.

> >Read More

inexplicable feeling

Hello again world...

Ever since I can remember I always remember of having this kind of feeling deep within me, and I can't really put my finger on it to describe how they felt.

It's an inexplicable things for me,

When I am old enough to had reasoning in my mind, I learned that what I felt these years was a nostalgic feeling.

I am not sure myself why am I bringing this topic and hoe am I going to end this post either, but let's just flow with the atmosphere to whichever it bring us in the end.

Y'know what, I always told this in a joking manner all this years, but eventually I need to admit that maybe something did hid some truth beneath my joking tones.

I always told my peer that I'm born too late in time.

I'm an old soul, even my preference of music were from back in the 50's and early 60's jazz if not some past centuries classical piece.

And I did had some kind of suspicion that I prefer a slower paced lifestyle unlike how people lived their life nowadays.

That's for the gist of it.

Now Imma return to describe how it feels all of these years, 34 years minus 1 day.

My deepest memories, is a night bus ride from Padang to Jakarta, back in 1993 or was it 1994? Oh, I apologize, I'm not sure. And the latest from olden days is back in 2002, and it is a night bus ride from Padang to Jakarta.

It took nearly 3 days to Jakarta on a bus ride.

You see, back in the days, no entertainment in a form of high-end smartphones like we had today. Funny how 20 years can bring for a change.

So, yes, to be exact, beside sleeping, there must be no other answer for you to distract yourself from the long bus ride, over the hill, across the mountainous road, from one village to the next city, and till you met the Java Trench for a ferry ride toward Java, and another 5 or even 10 or so hours before finally it's Jakarta.

And the bus one and only entertainment will be the late 80's songs.

That kind of nostalgia and reminiscing feelings you experienced when listening to those kind of song and the only view of road spreading ahead, is how I will use to explain how I felt all of these years.

I'm not a romantic, and neither am a tortured poet.

But I had this nostalgic bittersweet lingering feeling which constantly haunts my head.

Hence, I explains in my jokes, that perhaps, I supposedly born in the early 1900's or late 1800's but maybe I got a late start, hence I arrived here in 1989.

For what purpose do I brought this up? I don't know either.

Maybe I'm a vintagerian, like those people nowadays  showcasing their hobbies on social media platforms by dressing in ancient style and portraying a lifestyle from those eras in their daily lives.

Maybe I'm not, or maybe it's Maybelline (my typing suggestion keep popping this word in, so I simply give in to this impulse for a lame joke).

Now it's all a jokingly manner, for a refresher of course.

Why do I suspected the late 1800's or early 1900's.

Because if I said Middle Age like the 1400's or 1600's(late Byzantine and early Reinassance eras), then I'm going to die young, be it to the Black plague, or some wars, or even the witch hunts, well, it's mainly the witch hunt as my biggest concern. I'm joking.

But yeah, I am admitting it myself, that those past is more preferable for myself instead of this modern hectic age.

And so, if you can collect all of my digital traces from the very first day I got in touch with internet, is about history.

I am not a thinker, neither am I a man of any science nor any applications of it in my daily life.

But I had some interest on multiple disciplines of know how.

I know some degree of architecture, some span of engineering not to make a building collapse in its construction, some degree of chemistry and it's predecessor pseudoscience, mainly because I wrestled my way into occultism through alchemy, i know how to generate electricity from scratch and how to construct a miniature dam for generating enough power to spin the makeshift turbine.

At the very extreme end, I know how to butcher my own meal, making simple snare traps and pitfalls for my survival.

Maybe I read the anarchist cookbook too often.

But yes, I can safely guarantee my survival if I got stranded somewhere in the middle of nowhere, and mantain some degree of civiled lifestyle for sure.

I might sounded as bragging here, but that's how I best shows my longing for those ancient time before my own.

You know, I once said to myself back in middle high, I'm not quite interested with numbers despite they're not really that scary if I'm willing to develop a new neuron path merely for calculating some mathematical formulas.

I just find math to arguably 'inconsistent' and barely related to real applications.

I remembered one day on senior highschool arguing withy 3rd year math teacher, while doing a calculations in class.

The real answer if you put it on real world is zero, but mathematically its -1 or minus something on the paper.

So I just stopped caring about maths.

Ah, I went astray again.

Back in middle highschool, I excell in some spread of majors. My history is always 9.5, an A basically, followed by electronics, a 9 on theory, and a C on practicality, my big finger and my shaky hands isn't fit for holding a soldering iron and built a PCB, so I always accidentally soldered some wrong place, I never had an agile and adeptness fit for craftsmanship. Hence, even the simplest circuitry of a flip-flop light panels, will turn into a firework in my hand after managing to lights for 2 rows. My rule of thumb, only test it twice, the third time turning the board will bring either a boom, a puff, or a smoke. It's because I always either destroyed the transistor or the resistor in the soldering process.

Okay, my point is, my History score is the one and only leading discipline, let's set English and Indonesian literature aside, I was privileged from the beginning, I'm a polyglot so to say, so, literature isn't my go-to forte despite my brain wired for quickly noticing a language faster than most people. But I never think it's anything special.

It's history, so, I once said to myself, maybe I should be an archaeologist. But those days was long gone, and I argued back I recall, that all that we need to know is already excavated, to my surprise, not all technically, as even this year, a new megalithic site was found in Northern Sumatra.

So yeah, maybe being an archaeological expert wasn't really that bad.

I'm almost 34, but my musical preference was not like people my age, or I can say, kids my age back in my teenage years.

While they liked pop culture music back in those days like the Backstreet boys, Westlife, the Moffatts, or whatsoever the MTV hyped about. I steadied my head with no such  music at all, non vocalised music, meaning Classical Baroque.

So it's a problem during practical test in the class for the whole Elementary years, yes. I sang the same kid song from year 1 to 6. Apuse Kokonda(Papuan folk song), and Riding a Train for a free choice song.

And worse, I can't argue with those teachers in return when she berated me in front of the class for singing a kiddie song in front of the class, as I am not sure either whether I should humm a tune from Claire de Lune by Debussy or not in class as it's a singing test, and I'm not sure either why it's the only piece pops up in my head during those days. (Well I bet I will be straining my neck out like a wailing madman when I reach the high octave, or I will suffer my diaphragm during the end of the 2nd line during the lower tone. I'm glad that I didn't)

So, yeah, I'm weird from the start.

You bet, not many people my age will even stand a piece of old Keroncong from 1930's. But you bet I will.

I don't really play an instrument, as I never had a good sense in my head. I can play guitar, rigidly yes. I know most of the keys, but I never really good at strumming the strings. I don't know what good and best approach in this piece of music, should I only strum it monotonously up and down, or I used a interchanging beat or combined or whatever. So yeah, I prefer to say, I cannot play any instrument.

But I secretly learn guqin, the 7 string zither (it's not a zither, a zither had 21 strings, but yeah, whatever), despite never lay my hand on one.

I can read the scale specific for a qin, using a sort of shortened Chinese characters mixed with numberings.

It's just easier as it's make more sense, so a piece of qin chords will be filled with this specific Chinese characters. Which if you interpret it, it will dictate the piece literally how to play the piece. So, there is 13 dots on the board, and 7 strings, and you used your left finger to push the keys, and right hands to strum the string. So, the chord will say like such. Put thumb on 6th dot, 3rd string, and right hand using thumb on 1st string, index at 5th and pick gently upward simultaneously, and so on, so forth.

So, it's rather easier for me to understand such instructions rather than reading a key chord with no guide to play beside the chords and tempo.

And I'm not a Xeno fans either. Funny, a Chinese ancestry but despising the Chinese race and culture.

But that, is a story for another day.

To remind myself, how far astrayed I went by ramblings on nothing...

I am a person with my personal antics, I am unique to my own way. I never said that I'm a good person, but sure I hoped I am not a bad one either.

This feeling, that I never quite understood, is here to remind me, that I am unique, and maybe, this kind of person nostalgia is my personal charms, I got so attached to it, I sometimes even blinded by it. But this what use to be untold story, now finally revealed, is how I feel for all of these years.

I had some romance with this bittersweet inexplicable sensation, a sort of craving if I may say, of days gone by, that I constantly looked back, even long before my time, and that made me feel so out of time, as if I born not in the right era. As if I born too late for my soul.

But this feeling, that I don't know what it's called, nor I know how to explain it, is yet, still another mystery, that is also a part of me. And so, I had to accept it, despite not knowing of what to do about it.

Why it's here, and what for, is a mystery.

So, I took a trip, on a train... And I thought about you...

(No, that's a line from a song, so I didn't took a trip on a train, or perhaps I did? Oh, I did back in 2017 to Solo)

It's a sort of longing feeling, lingering there right from the beginning. So maybe that's what make me this kind of poetic filled with long-winded wordings and some unnecessary flowery choice of words.

I'm older in my soul, I tend to forget that I'm not even 34, but maybe my childhood play a big part on causing this. I grown up to soon, life bring my young mind to be on the constant alert too soon, so I didn't get much time to play during my childhood, forgetting how to be kids, and my mental age progress onwards while constantly looking back.

Maybe this is my inner child speaking, that I longed for a simpler life.

Life is hard, yes. Life sure is not easy, and unkind also for sure.

Maybe what I felt these years, is making me thinking for having enough of this, hence I longed for the simplicity from past ancient eras.

Or maybe not.

Maybe I am born out of my supposed time.

Or maybe not...

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of oracle, divination and prophecy.

For years it tickled my mind so much wether or not to pour this topic, write something about them out from my brain or not.

As this topic ir rather risque, risk of making me wearing yet another hat of apostasy and being labelled as an occult while in truth, I am not, or technically no longer am.

.....

But, to be honest, what are they? Aren't they supposed to be the same thing, same meaning, different choice of wordings?

Well in short, they are not.

What I'm talking here about is not them horoscopes, ouiji, spirit beckoning, or zodiacs and stuffs. They are not what I'm talking about.

But for a start let me open this topic with a simple laying of a foundation as our common ground.

I believe that what makes a human as human, is the components that built them physically and the inner quality that only a human possess, which cannot be found from another being on earth.

The common argument used for explaining this qualities is a thinking mind, and a soul.

Some philosopher combined thinking mind with soul, while some didn't.

For simplicity sake, a human is consisted by this 3 components. A physical body, a mind, and a soul.

Thats the aim and center for my explaining this topic about, very well thank you... so I'm going to discuss something around this components quality, and of what made it capable of producing a sort of 'fore-knowledge'. Yes, that'll be the word I'm using for paraphrasing this precognitive things.

Our body is a lump of cells of accumulations based on all the food we consumed in whole of our life.

A body, is what we see and perceived with naked eyes, and we recognize each other based on what we see. And that's about it, if we are discussing about biological life, then it's another topic all together that I'm not aiming to discuss here despite I might be able to present you with a thick paperwork describing and arguing all about it if you may. What do you expect from a nerd who delved years on philosophies and theological argumentation? Anyway...

Anyone can argue about this, that a mind is complex. And some might argue that animals also had mind.

But I'm not gonna talk about it, maybe not in this life.

But mind is indeed completely complex. We feels sensation through the five senses in our body and we translate the information inside our brain and based upon it, the arousal those sense brought to our brain and interpretation the brain made, will transformed into feelings, and because we feels, we think.

The mind, is tasked to multitask on everything in our live that made us 'us'.

The mind is responsible to build and store memories, knowledge, regulates the emotion and produce our behaviour. A mind is everything to a human so much so if the mind is gone, we are left with a vegetative lump of what used to be us.

The mind is the collection of data and storages of memories that build us as us. It's an accumulation of all the information unique to our brain's interpretation.

We are the accumulation of what we learn in the span of this life.

Some may argue me about it that this isn't what their textbook says about blabla, for now let's do this for simplicity sake. Not everyone is doctorate in philosophy, anthropology, or psychology here. Some are chemist, some are chefs some are mechanics. So let's not believe every the books said. What is real is what you see and feels before you. That is the basis of all arguments in science, albeit this too prone for subjectivities. But if we go honestly eager to try making comparison and experiments repeatedly with no prejudice whatsoever, then a non-bias reasoning might be there to greets our conclusion.

But not everyone is me, and not anyone going to abandon their initial beliefs just to proof this belief is wrong and his is right, because they must had some sorts of inclination and prejudices about what beliefs they're going to experiment with.

And no sane Christian will practice divinatory magic just to proof my theory is wrong.

But since I am already in the know before my repentance to Christianity, I may provide you with some kind of better ground for reasoning to give you a better in-depth of knowledge, at least, better than most average Christians. I promise despite this opinion is solely on my own reasonings and based upon my own findings, they might still provide an un-biased perspective that some traditional Christians might missed normally.

But hey, I'm not trying to establish a claim that I know better, but it's just during my time, I am not a Christian by birth, so I had some leeway of another weighing perspective beside Christianity alone, so I tend to not be fanatical and blindly believe all, but I for a fact, did try my best to test and weight the things they taught me before accepting them as my ideology.

I'm just saying even Christian tend to give a stubborn cold-shoulder to everything they didn't know and it's easier to blame rather than to seek out for truth.

Why am I discussing this?

Because Christians is and are, too, relied on some sort of divine message, or rather, an insight, which we got through our prayer.

Some, abuse what those things about to their benefits, some misinterpret whatever that is and believe that is a divine message, whilst it isn't.

Some, perhaps a mother with child struggling with poverty.

Some, perhaps is a pastor, and preached what he believed is a revelation from God, while it's not.

Some even dare enough to say, this is a prophecy and this kind of turbulence is such and such, so do this and that.

Scary? Yes indeed.

But no school in Christianity theological body, that will teach you how to translate and produce an oracle or revelation or prophecy.

So to each is their own. And that's what scary about subjectivity.

And Christianity is so quick to point finger and label everything as apostasy rather than to lower their ear and listen first without prejudice before really going to give their final verdict to believe or to reject.

This isn't a holy inquisition, so relax. And this isn't a school of witchcraft, lower your pitchfork please, and somebody, douse that torch with water, it's scorching my eyebrows, please...

Where was I?

Ah right.

A human have mind. And not all mind think the same, hence we are unique to ourselves and we are what we called an individual because we are not all the same in mind.

So, a soul is what bring us to the preface.

If, we are only a brain and a body, then we are not that different from the dog barking at fluttering leaves in the backyard, or some pig snorting it's grub and swimming in a puddle of mud.

But because we humans, contain, or host an aspect we called as a soul, that is what made us capable of having this inner dialogue. We can reason, and argue, within our mind, with ourselves.

It is the capacity of God. Because we know, that the Bible tells us, when God created man, He breathed into his nostrils, and hence giving him life.

This animation of our physical and biological reaction we called as life, is possible because of a soul.

Which showcase itself even more in the inner quality of self-reasoning.

We learn from our mistakes, unlike an animal that return to their habitual tendencies. That is what a soul is all about.

_____________________

Now, because a human, contains a soul. This soul is not god, but it is showing some degree of godly qualities.

We can think, we can reason, we can argue, we can create things, this mind is driven because the soul is soo good that it's able to invent things, conceptualise a theory and establish a train of reasonings to support the theory. 

A soul possessed some trait of godly qualities. We can self-counsel and self-analyse many thing.

Just like the God from Bible discuss with Himself about many things. One example is during the angels visitation to Abraham, where God discussed among Himself wether to hide about Sodom and Gomorrah judgement from Abraham or not.

Even the very beginning of Bible also described about this, when God counsel among Himself and said "Let us create this and that, Let us create man according to Our image. Etc."

Because we are alive from the breathe of God, we possess a spirit, a soul so to say I, which also shows the same qualities that God has because, we are created, in His image.

See what I mean here?

This soul is the culprit of what make us capable of having some sort of 'fore-knowledge'

And not all is the universal truth.

Now, not all believe in Jesus, to be honest and fair with you, yet all people claim they can some sort of producing "foreknowledge"

Even several years back, the world claimed that a certain octopus can give a prediction for the winning team in football league.

It's such a vague and vast territory, too uncharted for Christians, while in truth we are the only one who posses the genuine capacity and qualities for receiving an oracle, since the One True God is within us.

I'm not saying that they are wrong, we are right, nor the opposite.

Nor am I claiming precognition is exclusive to Jesus alone and the rest is false. That may be in some certain degree of cases, but not everything is the same.

So before we fight and you pulled my hair, let's establish a technical terminologies.

First, is an oracle.

Oracle, without trying to be so technical and quoting some sorts of objective perspective.

Let me simplify it as such:

Oracle is message. A person claim to receive something from another realm, which supposedly assumed to be higher plane than ours. And those authors of message gives this message as either a sign, a warning or gifts for the benefit of either themselves or many other humans.

Simple right? I'm not blowing smokes nor pulling rabbit from any hat.

Until that point, let's just accept that for simplicity sake. I'm not making school, once again.

Then, 

Prophecy, is, despite claimed by another religion nowadays, but for justice to it's terminology, I will say it despite the controversy inducing aspect.

Is limited to prophets, and real prophet, only came from Israeli by birth, not by spirit, and no, not even the third biggest religion. So be it, like it or not.

Navi (נָבִיא), is the exclusive coined term only for Jewish community. 

You cannot rip the word navi from Israeli tribes, and hence, a prophet, or prophecy is exclusive from and for Israeli people alone.

Not even that religion arising in 6th century that now wreak havoc everywhere in this modern age. That's just long overdue politics heresy thank you.

A prophecy, came from God, or elohims in some other pagan beliefs. So in the Bible we read sometime a prophet of God argues with prophet of Baal. Baal is an elohim, smaller god that bigger possibilities is a demon pretending to be a god, hence, false god.

Now, they both received their prophecy likewise, but in the end of story, we know which one is the truth, and which is false. 

Despite we do acknowledge that the Bible also sourced out from Jewish scriptures, hence there might be room for subjectivities, but we can set aside the suspicion by cross comparing thousands of years of scripture literatures authoring. Not one person write the whole scriptures unlike that other one. Hence, many authors prone to had conflicted ideas. But, if despite the message is different way and perhaps the approach were different, the point is still the same, the essence is still under one big picture. Hence, supporting it's innerancy, un-error possibilities, and proven the subjective fallacy unproven.

So, let's move onward.

We got prophecy, we cover oracle, now divination.

Despite its name containing divine, and close linking to some sort of divinities.

Divination is not exoteric, it's not something coming from some supreme beings, nope.

Divination, is an art developed based on religious text, or natural phenomenons to built a sort of prediction.

So, to be very honest with you, a divination is only a crude statistical data prediction in its crudest form, which heavily doused with tribal religion beliefs, and forced to be linked with deities for some sort of guarantee.

Why do i say this?

Am I being superlatives and absurd?

I am not.

I do, can honestly claim my expertise in this topic, as I did in fact learn more than one or two discipline in the divinatory art.

I am quite good in Tarot, I know I-Ching, the go to for every taoism divination textbook (I-ching, translate as: the book of change, it's explaining the world changes and heaven interactions with the world, by utilising the baqua, eight cardinal diagrams of heaven and earth, etc. It's a book that will make you nosebleed just to memorize it, and some stomachache to digest it, and multiple migraines for the sake of understanding it).

I also know some pre-religion way of divination, some were human, some inhuman, like the rain summoning divination in ancient Korea, where they put a small child inside a earthen vessel, and sealed the container, consecrated it for the dragon king in the east, etc. And let the poor child died of hunger and suffocation. And used that as base of divination of when the rain will come.

Human sure is scary in many ways.

That's why witchcraft is a sin.

Not to mention, ancient Mesopotamian also did the similar kind of goresome, like the Dagon worship sacrifice.

Dagon is a bull headed elohim worshiped by the Canaanite as their chief deity.

A worship to dagon is usually involves with child sacrifice.

Most dagon statues were made like dagon is standing with either arm crossed or the arms were spreaded forward.

Dagon statue serve as a vurnace and fire will be lit on the lower part, and when the rituals done, the parents will placed their child, alive, on dagon's arm. And watch until their child died by fire.

You think I'm joking? But, I'm sorry that's I'm not. That is how sinful a witchcraft and what a scary thing a paganism is.

Oh no, today's paganism isn't like that anymore. The Hinduism for example, blablablah.

Not technically so.

Do you know what? In Hinduism is one sect of Shiva worshippers, the Bhaivaran. They worship the aspect of Shiva as the destructor of life. And there is one practice that you never will realise that it's still here in this modern age. The Aghori, is a group of Shiva monastic who still practice Bhaivaran theology.

They ate corpse flesh for short.

You can find their iconic unkempt features if you think about the ascetic of India. That nakes old men with white chalky face, and some braided rastafarian style hair.

Tell you what, that is not chalk on their face, it's a leftover cremation ashes, meaning, human bone powder.

The believe by doing that practice, they are keeping themselves close to death, and because destruction of life is death, and by doing that practice, they are getting closer to Shiva by doing such.

_____

Divination, is fully man-made. That is for sure.

Let's not discuss some scary stories.

The point is, divination is a combination of techniques, statistics, imagery, trance inducing, and spiritualities, and lastly but most important, deductions.

Hence, many divination is rarher vague, and too general.

Hence, today's astrology horoscope you find in some teens magazine, or those chinese zodiacs. Were divination, made with statistics, mnemonics, and deduction.

They are not necessarily occult, but because rhe practicioner often involves some sort or rituals and maybe, substances in producing the divinatory guidance. It's not a good one either.

But you will get very surprised if I tell you even some pastors used this divination technique using predictions and deductions to produce a some sort of divine message.

Why do I say that?

Well, working for 9 years in a stock brokerage has teach me how to predict the economy using macros aspect to predict the flow of world current. That, involved wars middle-east, or even the pandemic to predict the next economic development even to 2027 or even more.

Now, pastors nowadays are modern pastors. They to sometimes invest in stocks and such.

They used the trend in the world, to also build their analysis and this decuction is what they will preach as some divine messages.

That's divination, just be honest with it and be done with it. No need to sell Jesus name cheap to convince your congregation.

I may not be a clergyman fully standing in the world ministry, but at the very least I am not completely ignorant. More than over, divinatory, oracle and this kind of thing is my expertise.

Hence, any smallest hint of movements is fully noticed by me. So I know, really know, like driving in my backyard blindfolded, that is how familiar I was and am with this kind of tricks.

I'm not overly criticizing that divinatory way is completely miss the mark.

You see, even Bible verse quotes as such: dice being thrown and the results is God's sovereign. (Proverbs 16:33). A lot is cast, and it's still God disposed the results.

Even ancient Jews, the priest also had a backup plan if God didn't give any oracle or prophecy. Urim and Tummim, which arguably and speculated to be a sort of two stoned which will answer a yes or no question.

Then, was it occult? It's not really an occult act, since it was written in Leviticus properly, and was directly given as instructions to the priest by God.

It's a deduction based of lot casting sort of way of asking God, during the time of silence, meaning that probably in that age there is no prophet or God choose not to send prophecy to any available prophets.

So you can imagine this make up scenario.

Imagine, if it's about a drought, or perhaps about a siege, but if there is no prophecy came. It is the duty of head-priest to asked before God what His decisions will be.

Imagine this Urim and Tummim, maube this stones shined in a yes or no question, or maybe it was thrown in a sort of lot cast way, and which faced up is the yes or not.

And the priest will asked several questions that deduce the meaning of God.

This above is my full speculations okay, they are built on similar practice back in that time period, they can be fully missed the true practice. So who know for sure.

_____________________________________

Now, let us return to my purpose of bringing this topic.

I'm a Christian, and I lived my life by depending on God for favor and solely depend on His mercy and sovereign wills. I do everything as if it's for God, and in every individual circumstances I prayed to ask God for help, and I raise from my prayers to do something about those circumstances. And if they succeed to a good fruition, I acknowledged them to be the workings of God.

Does that cover all Christian lives on general?

But there is this grey aspect, an unknown territory. Where some time, not always, but we cannot despise them as nonexistent, there is this possibility for a direct intervention, which we believe firmly is God giving mesage, some sorts of signals, to directly lead us to what to choose, where to go, what to do. This so called insight, is divine, it is what they so abused and it is hard to differentiate nowadays.

And this very aspect is what make an honest pastor, blinded so much so, and lead their congregation toward the unknown, far away from God's true aim. That is not Christ exalting situation, yet the pastor believe so much that it is God's hand that is leading him/her. And they are in turn sinned toward God for leading His people astray.

But the person in question will be to quick to anger and not seldom, turn to tackle the person trying to counsel and maybe warn them of this missteps. And then, your typical missuse of governance and some abuse of authority story will get in to play.

I watched it with my eyes, here and there, despite its not involving me. But that, is not an imaginary story. During my seminary years I get to know some story told by the person involved, their victims mostly, and some pastors turned to be a victim because their congregation and elders turned their back from him because of the or that.

That is happening already, and they are not new.

I'm leaving astray for a sec there, I apologize, for getting my nerves took the place there.

In my life as a Christian and my life as a whole, both a born again Christian, and an occult, and an ex-occult practicioner who spend his life in regret with this big mountain of useless rubbish for an occult knowledge Which is so ungodly and not Christ exalting situation.

So hear my plea and my woes.

I experienced first hand in multiple occasions, of what a genuine revelation is, of what a true divine intervention supposed to work like. I too struggle with differentiating the true and the fake oracle, my fair portion. And I too, if I wanted to, can deceive a make-up divination with my expertise of knowledge, if I want. Note that part.

So, a genuine oracle, let's use that word and identify that with the Divine message from God of the Bible a Christian follows, a real Christian. That sort of real divine intervention. Let's identify this with an oracle for this explanation sake.

A true and genuine Oracle, is always according to what God's heart. And God's heart is fully and adequately revealed specifically in the Bible.

In the begining is Word, and Word is together with God, the Word is God, and Word is light of men, Word becomes flesh and took the form of servant.

The Word of God is Jesus. And hence the Bible, is all about Jesus, from Genesis to the last words of the Revelation. It's all about Jesus. It contains and described about Jesus, it glorifies and magnifying Jesus. 

Hence, that unique and exclusive revelation of Jesus, is everything God is going to talk about, in accord to how us, Jesus's followers to lived our lifes. And of course the aim of being a Christian is to get to know Jesus and lived in gratuity and follow His footsteps, like a true disciple supposed to act. Tracing His footsteps and follow in obedience.

And sometimes, intervention came, because Jesus is in fact, still alive, and He lives for eternity, because God is eternal.

Of course He understand and He know what is happening with us, His people.

Of course it is in His sovereign will to choose wether to intervene in something or to wait and slowly guide.

So, number 1.

It must be in accordance to what the Bible about.

It must be glorifying Jesus, it must make Jesus become the center spotlight. Making Him look good, and great. It bring people more closer to Jesus.

That's rule of thumb, and supposedly a no-brainer. No need to think further and argued about. If it exalting Jesus. It's genuine.

God is Love, and in Love, there is no hatred. God is Light, and within Light there is no shadows of doubt.

It is in God's nature to be genuinely pristine and true, and merciful.

So rule number 2.

If it's speaking of a Truth, which is good and kind and centering about Truth for specific. It is genuine.

Mind me so far, it's not about one from the other. But they goes hands in hand. The first one must be fulfilled, then the second, then the next criterias.

Not this only or that only. They all must be fulfilled for saying this kind of intervention is genuine or not.

So don't claim you come with a divine message, an oracle and quoting your Bible verses, and then state: by then let's raise up, gather your weapons and let eradicate this people, let's kill their men, loot their possession, and bring their women as captives.

No, brethren, that's what you found only on that one religion, the third biggest, the one who raises their praises to what the called 'god' one true 'god' five times a day. That is not how a Christian oracle supposedly be.

There are many other aspects and consideration for differentiate a genuine oracle. But I am setting them aside for a subjective oracle. While let's use the last criteria for the third and the last aspect of consideration for the case of General Oracle, or Congregation Revelation.

"The spirit of The Lord is upon me, for He had anointed me, and sent me to preach good tidings unto the poor, that I might bind up the wounded hearts, that I might preach deliverance to the captives, and open the prison them that are bound."

This is the first verse from Isaiah 61, and also the first passage Jesus used to reveal Himself as the Messiah.

It can be said to be a good pattern to dictate the true purposes of Jesus mission. Hence, also a good one for considering wether an Oracle is true or not, is if that in accordance to Jesus missionary task.

To preach the good new to the poor, to heal the wounded hearts, to bring deliverance, and to set us free from our bindings.

This is a very identical to the undoing the force of darkness from human life.

So, if this so called oracle is very much bringing deliverance and against the force of darkness, where it builds the congregation up. It encourages the brokenhearted, it bring a salve for the wounded, bringing a remedy for the ailments of life pain.

It is genuine.

It is easy when you know where to look.

Yet it's also hard because the discerning capacity is only results of Holy Spirit in work. As gifts of discernment is indeed, a fact, gift of the Holy Spirit.

So, if you discerning something to be genuinely from God, it's also serves a double edged purpose by ensuring you that the Holy Spirit is in fact, works within you.

A church congregation is a dynamic and beautiful harmony within its body. One gift is complemented by another, where one builds another, and the other encouraged each other to serve God better, with final aim to glorify Christ in everything, and make new passion grows to pursue more Christlikeness.

An Oracle is given in fact, to build the church. Where each message from Divinity is aimed to build and better equipped the laymen for them to fight sins in their daily lives and to fanned the holy fire within their heart so they will be diligent in their daily lives and personal relationship with God, and sometimes bring up a holy jealousy to one another, "if that person is anointed by God to do this and that, I too, Lord, wanted for You to use me as a blessing for my brethren."

That's is the purpose of a gift of prophecy, the oracle that I am talking all about through this long entry.

So, no, if your pastor say he received an oracle, and say to sell your house so he can buy Lamborghini. That is surely not a real one.

Or if you church members say that one day she receives God's message toward the church, that you all need to eat your spinachs and broccoli, and exercise some more. That may be good for the whole church, but that's not necessarily came from God. Your doctor's pamphlet also state the same intention as their message of us avoiding sugar and life a healthy balanced life.

That is why, wisdom is not a natural occurrence for human, and they don't instantly come with age as a 1+1 bargain deal.

But wisdom come from the fear of the Lord. And fear upon the Lord come hands in hand with obedience to the Bible.

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And if you're still wondering why we are capable of receiving an oracle.

It's is solely because we are believer of Christ.

All human had this innate potential, to crave for divinity, and that thirst is what dictate our life pattern.

That thirst is what people this days try to filled with sex, drugs, alcohols, substances, food, gambling, and sins.

All to no avail since it can only be filled with Jesus.

No religion on earth, no good morality, nor any humanitarian good cause can fill up that void which only Jesus can fills.

And that very part of a human soul, is the one that when we turned back towards God, is finally fixed and establish a connection directly heading to God's heart.

We pray and read our Bible daily because we need to lessen the interference from this channel of direct connection.

Sin, blurred the signal, but obedience bring it back.

That's all, I believe..

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