something to think for

Let's do something fun for a change.

Let's see, my height is probably around 182cm to 184cm, not that it's important, so I never really took a good measure for it.

For you average human being, I'm taller than most people on average, and I'm a man with quite a big build also.

My height will fall in comparison with other things, let say, the Empire State building in NY which is around 443 meters long if we include the antenna an it's spire.

Its almost 250 times taller than me, 243 something times if were trying to be critical.

Even the biggest and tallest man-made construction known to this day, the Burj al Khalifa, is somewhere around 830 meters tall, still pale in comparison to the highest elevation of Mount Everest, somewhere around 8.848 meter.

An if we plunge the Everest into Mariana Trench, there is still about more than 2 kilometers more to go before we reach the base of the trench.

And that, is still limited inside the scope in this big world, this planet we called home.

Our planet is the third in row inside our solar system, and beyond our solar system, other worlds exist, we know of it from the observing to the celestial bodies for centuries of observation and the progression of science.

Even beyond this so called cluster of solar system, there is also another clusters we called galaxies.

And that's all we know about it, the cosmos is wide, bigger than we know, much unthinkable for our small brain to grasp about.

And as we speak, our space is still on the process of expanding, since creation of universe, the thread of space has been expanding from a single point toward beyond the horizon, we are much smaller than a fine dust grain in comparison to the mysteries beyond.

Maybe this much evidence is sole reason to say that religion is wrong, that maybe those beings we claimed to be deities and fight against one another in claiming which is which and what deities is the true deity, is children fits of tantrum.

But maybe, it is a reason to believe, that such a big creation that capable of hosting life, with much finer details and fine-tuning in the very essence of their being, like the complexity of genomes and DNA and even the process of cell mutations, is the sole proof.

That this big cosmos never come to be in the first place if there is no God.

The God I know, make Himself known to His creation.

Are we so special or are we so thickheaded to dare claiming we are the only intelligent beings in the cosmos, I never know the answer, and they're not that important either.

What I know, humanity fails, we are growing greedier by the day, being cold one to another by the day, our heart of hearts is getting wicked by the day.

We are selfish creation, fallen far away short from our Creatior, we no longer deserve to be loved, but in fact He still loves us.

God, make Himself known through Jesus.

And that is enough for me.

If the God that spoken to the void and utter darkness from eternity in the very beginning, that brought light out from the darkness, if that God who laid the foundation of the universe with His hands, if the Almighty wills to made Himself known to this feeble and wicked creation who failed Him from time to time.

Then it is enough.

If my sins is paid not because I deserve any of it, but solely because He is merciful and willing to take me back.

Then, it is enough for me.

Even if this situation I lived is far from heavenly, and the fear of the Lord is nowhere around.

I think it still is enough.

As I am much smaller in comparison to the greatness wonder of the big and vast cosmos.

Who am I to think that the universe owe me some explanations?

I think Jesus is enough, more than enough for me.

Even the situation today isn't perfect, and in fact far from perfect.

At the very least, I can hope in Jesus, for His promise of eternity.

I think it is enough.

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the people without face

No, it's nothing about scary horrors..

If the title is misleading, I apologize in advance.

My biggest inability, is to remember faces.

Even the faces of people in my life whom I deem as my closest kins, is oblivious from my memory, I think I can imagine how they look like, but not their facial features.

I don't know when it started, or why it become as such, or more important, when I come to realise this.

But it happens, I cannot recognize people faces. I can took a good glimpse or even stare dead on their face, and as soon as a couple seconds after completely forgotten how they looked like.

So I grow up, developing habits of not making eye contact to the people I talked to. As in truth I also irked by this situation, my frustration of not being able to recall their face. So it become a disturbing situation for me internally for I want to get closer with the other person whole I can't even establish a better relationship with them with a simple thing as remembering their face.

So I avoid seeing their face, as in my memorial they soon will be blank faces all the same.

I'm not sure whether this is a novelty of bizzareness, or my mind playing tricks, or was this a mental ailments. But they happened for at least more than two decades.

Maybe it was catapulted by the traumatic days during my dad's casual way for skinship of barraging punches, that he hate my gut if I stare at his face so he will find another excuse to hit me even more if I looked at his face while the usual practice of boxing session is in process.

Maybe that make me develop the habit of not pointing my eyes on the counterpart's face during any form of verbal interaction. Maybe it's the first situation that make the now faceless people syndrome I experienced today.

I hate is so much when I file a report in local police station after my phone got snatched during a bus ride, as the police officer asked me how the man facial features looked like, I can't answer him as the man in question face is defaultly blank in my mind. Even how the police officer looks like is long forgotten.

Even my mom and dad's face is blank, even Nana, Angel, and baby Zera, by default, in my head their faces are blanks, how much more are the rest of people I known throughout my whole life.

I can't really able to describe faces. Maybe some kind of clue how they supposed to looks is there, but when I try to focus on them, it soon becomes a blank face, like how a scarecrow doll had blank face, that's how I saw each and everyone I hold dear in my memories.

So, the question is, how can I differentiate one person from another.

I developed some dope detective skills maybe. i remember their height, how they speak, their speech  intonation, the voices, some clues is there. And when they're in front of me in person I won't forget their faces, the situation only occurs when I no longer in presence with them.

So yes, if you dissect my brain and somehow boot it on a screen, maybe what shown from my memories will be faceless people talking to me or to one another.

But thankfully we got pictures nowadays, so they're not all forgotten, if I surf the net and seen their posts, some profile picture will help a lot.

Funny is, I even once suspected myself of having dyslexia, and took some test myself due to this situation.

So no, maybe it's a long habits developed for decades, not a mental ailment, but a habit driven from my still ever-present childhood traumas.

That's all for today... till next time

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