I am, despite my theological background and my personal doctrinal belief, is a strong believer of force of fate.
No, not that kind of sense for a fate, but rather, in essence, that all things happened, happening and will occur, are all already predetermined and well premeditated long before the whole cosmos birthed. That nothing is really an accidental occasion, as if a part of a grand and yet also a meticulous design.
What will be, surely will be, what's been determine to occur, will still occur no matter what. That all things in the whole cosmos are already set in stone, even long from the eternity before time.
But I am not using this arguments to defend myself for why I did what I've done.
Mind you, this is not a justification cause, nor it does me a ground to argue for my own righteous, as it brought me no justice nor any benefit.
As you may or may not know, once again, I'm an ex-occult.
No, not the box-office spell casting wand waving one kind of an occult, yes in the utmost limited mean, but not just at that sense only.
If I might say myself, I'm rather, a sophisticated thinker, specialising in the hidden knowledge behind those very things we called occult.
I begin my foolish quest when I'm in such a young age.
I can see apparitions, as such and by such, I'm not claiming to be 'special' in any way, no. But rather this darn ability is the very first trap hole that lured me in.
So, from the very beginning, I got a headstart from most occult pursuer.
Some people spend years on meditation and rituals only to open a small part of their psyche to let them see, or rather, peered in small glimpses on what's on the other side, but I spend less time for that, as it brought me no benefit, I'm able and already capable to stare at the other side, so I can focus more on the more important part of occult pursue.
In Christianity terminology, all things beside Christianity beliefs, in the scope beyond worshipping God and pursuing Jesus, is deemed as occult.
So, simply said, praying to a deity's from other religion pantheon is already an occult act.
Meditation is already an occult practice.
Chanting in other Sanskrit canon is occult.
Everything is occult, and deemed as paganism.
But no, in my perspective, an occult, is more a personal enrichment to pursue a rather, 'enligthened' state, and while doing so, the pursuit of so called awakening, supernatural abilities is tapped and aroused to be in a rather semi-perpetual state of release.
How do I say without sounding fake? Er....
Let's put it this way, the pursuit is done in order to tapped into something dormant in all creation, and when that source is aroused to the surface, a state we called as 'awakening' occurred, and that make the person becomes more aware of something else from the other side, and with a constant revelation to whatever there, an innate capacity is awakened in them, making such person to be able to produce some smaller scale of a knock-off miracle-like phenomenons. That if we translate them into older generations terminology, simply put, magic.
Now, as a person coming from the other side, I will tell you, it's not that horrendous like those claims by the preacher in churches, nor they were beautiful like those wand waving fantasy modern movies.
Even, among many occults, there are many things to learn to. As the world's culture is complex, and so is magic. Magic differs from one culture to another, and most crudest and ancient surviving practice were heavily induced and laced with tales, folklores, rituals according to respective traditions.
So to say, an Indian yogis from Varanasi's way of pursuing their discipline is different from the Baba's witchery practice from Slavic folklores. And it will surely different in practice with other cultures practice.
So, I first started with a meditation discipline, to make whatever visible to be even clearer in vision.
And what's closest in my reach. So I pursue Taoism,
When I moved to Jakarta, after those book about black magic written from Western ideology of magic, I soon convert to satanism, and practices both.
When I met other satanist, I learned more, and finally settled myself as alchemist, in a sense, a pursuer of universal truth.
Alchemy, is a combination of many discipline and knowledges.
First, astronomy, then biology, then herbology, linguistic, crude chemistry, philosophy, even religion. It's a multi versatile all-rounder discipline, as the ultimate goal of alchemy is the unity of heaven and man, which is only possible if you attain the universal ultimate truth, th hidden knowledge hidden behind the thread of dimensional plane.
This is too New Age sounded arguments, the most mind unstable post I perhaps will ever wrote for this particular blog, ever!
Western's alchemy previously brought from Baghdad, somewhere from the 6th to 10th century, and before you know it, it's entered the Roman Catholic church, even monks, philosophers practice them.
It's surely beneficial to the science progress, since most invention later leads to the advancement of our technological civilization.
Let say, how does metal refinery progress from a simple melting and smashing metal bars now including some alloy mixture, metal enrichment, and so on.
Even the accidental sweeteners from urea fermentation used in 14th century is a by-product of alchemy pursuit.
Some surviving knowledge, begin to flourish somewhere in 18th century, and that's brought us back to reality.
I believe back then, by pursuing my quest, I'm somehow getting myself to perfection, getting closer toward the mystery of the universe. Lo and behold how naive I was.
Of course I'm aware of how demon's snaring lies work. I've seen one or two perhaps in my life, real demons that is..
But no, not all magic is demonic powered. At least mine isn't, and I guaranteed you to my best clear conscience. Despite I did attempt a demonic pact, I didn't, despite succeeding in evoking a real demon from the other realm in my 2nd story wooden flooring bedroom.
A real demonic apparition manifesting itself is accompanied by a burning aroma, like you burn a jumble heap of hair, yes it smells like a burning hair. Heaps of hair.
Anyway,
Now, what I'm about to reveal is rather too controversial, and too hard to believe with a working sanity.
But believe me, I tell you no lie in these following,
Aftery conversion to Christianity, I didn't stopped completely.
I still, in magic practice, continue on for one year or so until I completely quit doing such, simply saying, I quit because my car is out of juice, so no matter what, it won't start nor budging. So I quit for the better.
But,
In my pursuit for knowledge, some kind of occult wisdom. I never really quit.
As I learn more philosophy, or as I learn more about other beliefs system, and their respective theological arguments, I get a new glimpse of how supernatural realm works.
Even as a theologian scholar myself, I cannot help to notice those spiritually aspect of truth hidden from biblical verses.
So, to sugarcoat and to shorten my explanation, I did, reach a somewhat mental state fit to be called as 'awakening' in the occult world sense.
As I never see this or that with a stubborn prejudice, I keep analysing what's behind such claim operating like this or that in respective belief system.
So, I get a real view about things hidden behind the curtain.
Mainly, of how Satan work behind the curtain to utilise the previous heaven to be his kingdom, and how the demonic force, lie to the whole occult system of belief, that only they govern magic.
To be more explicit about it, if per say, I'm a paranormal does their supernatural job, the one who act behind the scene were demonic forces.
Even of you try to dig deeper about this, multiple ancient mysticism practice is closely related with some special super entity which establish a pact with the human and powered them to do magic.
You might see some remaining examples in today's shamanism practice. Like Korean shamanism, the mudang is like any normal human being, until they get visited by the 'deities', a kind of spirit, that will possess their body, when summoned to do the mudang task.
Or the guardian angels in today's Wiccan practice, or the spirit animals in Native American shamanic practice.
While in truth, with enough training, every human being can reach the capacity to do such with not even an ounce of help from demonic force.
I simply reached the mental state because ofy constant pursue for what's hidden behind the mystery of this world.
I'm not claiming to be special, once again no, I'm not delusional enough and will never be, in order to claim that I'm no longer a normal human being. I still humane enough, I cried and I laughed, I got happy and upset, I am as normal as any of you. It's just what I've come to realise set me aside from the rest of your normal day human being.
The realization is what make me 'awake' toward what hidden behind the shroud of mystery, and enabled me to tap into what latent potency inside of my psyche. A seed of godly nature the Creator breathe into human, as all human is created in His image.
I may be no longer able to do magic today, but, knowledge about it is still within me to this very second.
I don't know why, but I had this better judgement about magic since early on. I got enticed with it, amazed by it, and fancy it, as if a good light was spot on top of it since early on.
Maybe this is why I crazed about it, not only because of the hatred of being sacrificed in a secret ritual by my dad.
I'm rather attracted towards it long before those whole abandonment and running away dramas and before the black magic induced chest pain started.
I, am, an alchemist, a pursuer of truth, that stopped because I found a better Truth in Christ. But it doesn't compensate for what I did, my thirst for knowledge continues on even after seminary years.
.......
I'm getting dull here, the direction I'm heading is a loop, and rather ambiguous.
So, let's put the climax here in front, before I bore you.
This is, a knowledge that is kept under heavy secrecy, and rather, the biggest hidden knowledge the occult world ever had.
That every human is possible to awaken their innate potency, of being aware about the mystery behind the supernatural veil, and to, contain whatever force hidden behind the findings after awakening to the other side's truth.
Simply put, a human body, is not all there is to it.
A human, isn't only limited to their physical form, their thinking mind, but also their soul.
Now, there are other two body, that I so keep myself from putting into this writings for all these time.
An energy body, and a bliss body.
The energy body is about the vital force a human produce throughout their lives, it is the energy that powered your natural healing abilities, your cell regeneration, your metabolism.
So no, not sorry, that those things aren't done simply by a billion cells of brain synapses.
And bliss body, is the utmost hidden awareness you brought to active from their long hibernate mode, and that's what govern your capacity for spirituality.
Mind me, this is not in the Bible. Here, a grain of salt.
When a person meditate, simply put, stopping themselves from their routine and simply be there, in the present moment and stopping unnecessary urges to do things, distancing their brain, body and heart from the hecticness of the normal world, the first thing a person will encounter, will be emotions.
They will be more aware of what they feels, how it affects them, how they interpret the message and how they behaves about it.
But if you didn't stopped only there, but push forward, deeper inside, then, the root for emotions and the root of sensation will be revealed.
You will see, that your emotions is yet only a mere hot air blowing outside-in, arousing your skin, revolving beyond your body, but they tend to make that all your life is about them and them only.
When you push deeper in the meditation, then inner hidden desires will resurface, what you really are is here. And this, according to many scrolls and scriptures of multiple different occult and esotericism tradition, will be the hardest part to conquer, to defeat oneself.
It's hard to encounter who you really are, and not little, went mad because of it. So, yes, a wrong step here, will turn a person mad, literally mentally challenged, with no cure. Try it if you may, try to counsel a mad occult practitioner, some went mad due to their spells, some develop a megalomania symptoms, thinking they are gods and such, some simply end their lives, some practice perversions, like the all sensational A.S. back in the 90's, the 'dukun' who is better known as a serial killer with about 42 total known victims, all ladies ranging of age around 11-30.
The man, practice something akin to a vajra body spell, the kind of things making your physical body immune to harm, like bladed weapon, or even bullet.
There are many inkling in Indonesian occult belief, that a proper sorcerer will be immune to anything, and hence on they will be a powerful mystic healer.
Now, the man claimed that his deceased father came to him in a dream, telling him to collect 70 young women's saliva, all need to be deceased young women.
So, the madman killed his clienteles, to speed up the ritual, from 1986 till the date of his arrest somewhere in 1997, totalling around 42 women, possibly more.
This, is what happened when a practitioner unable to pass through his third obstacle, innate desires, making a sane mind unable to process logic with no possible way of return.
After the third obstacle, if you push further, your consciousness will meet your essence. Simply put, it's your first glimpse of what's inside your 'self', a first encounter with your soul.
A soul, is a vessel for mystery, because our soul came from God, it is capable to reproduce something superior, there is more to it, but let say, the soul, can induce a similar phenomenon that the layman called as magic.
So far, no satan, no demon, angels, ghost, deities or whatnots here. It's only a human soul showcasing it's dynamic potencies.
And that's the true path of spirituality.
But, it took a normal average human more than 10 years to awaken their inner mind, and maybe 10 more years until their first encounter after passing the third hurdle of meditation, that is the general trend from thousands of years statistics data recorded in many traditional occult.
So, human created gods out of needs, and gods granted human with power.
This is the history of tribal shamanism theology which with years of cultural exchange and integrations, a proper crude religion is born.
The mesopotamian had their deities, you can find more like the epic of Gilgamesh, the oldest surviving mythology. And yes, it's the very first thing I read after officially pursuing magic.
Then after the Phoenician, Nile civilization brought their own interpretation of religion, crafting their version of pantheons, the Greeks brought Olympus into play soon after, simultaneously the Vikings brought their Nordic believe and Valhalla entered the scene. The Chinese brought Pan Gu, Nuwa, Fuxi, into their tribal religion, as the Indus civilization brought their Ganges River using Siva's hair from the outer cosmos.
All these big mythology came simultaneously, similar in storylines, different in final product and interpretation. So, at the same time, something behind the veil must be colluding to create these big confusions to Earth.
Satan and his angels playing an opera wearing masks and play pretend while dividing their roles as Zeus, Odin, Ra, Amaterasu, Jade Emperor, Vishnu, and whatever their name are.
Don't forget, we're only around, for at least 11 millenias already, so many things happened behind the scene. Making human so thick and crude and dull like this.
Human is rather busy gathering riches, fame, or busying themselves with conflicts, wars, playing house and playing kings.
That's why according to modern civilization popular ideology, I'm a weirdo, and according Christianity, I'm a heathen and a pagan.
I admit, that I studied other religions scriptures and literatures on the side.
Hence I know, and had a personal insight about those topics.
philosophically speaking, if you understand their philosophy, you will understand their respective branchings of discipline. On what's on the front and also what's hidden behind the scene.
So I did.
Now, where was I? In the terms of awareness awakening.
Using all of the things I learned about mysticism, esoterics, occults, spiritualities, all combined together. I gained an insight, that can be explained from a Yahwehnian believer's perspective.
In theory, it's enough to enable me to reproduce something beyond simple causality law. In theory alone.
But, to be completely honest with you.
Magic, isn't simply as a hand gestures, wand waving, spell incantations alone.
That's not all, there are many more there is to it.
2 elements about the phenomenons we called magic, is needed before the phenomenon will be able to be produced in materials realm.
Omniscient, and omnipotent.
It's a hyperbole terminology actually.
Simply put, knowledge, and power.
You need proper knowledge for it to happen, of how magic is reproduced and how to reproduce it, including formulas developed though the ages about it. So, yes, some hidden literature exist about how-to's to magic.
And power.
It's not as simple as buying a toner cartridge for your printer to enable it prints something.
And surely not as easy as burning fuel to produce electricity either.
Hence most magic today, are demonic in essence. But real genuine magic that's untouched by demonic influence is rare.
I may not be the one and only know about this, but I simply know about it, no longer capable to do it.
Why?
When I quit, let's say.....
Wait, let me ask you a question.
How do you this, I escaped from satanic group, unscathed.
I'm only 14, or 15 back then. Think about it for a sec.
.....
Done?
Let me give you my answer.
As my long-winded ramblings before.
Of why I explained about the five bodies to a human beside their physical, mind and soul. There are also energy and bliss body.
The bliss body, is the body within a human soul, capable of powering magic.
And I, has no bliss body, no longer functioning.
To escape, I shattered my own magic vessel, when I attempting the suicide by ingesting poison, in the last moment before I fall unconscious on the middle room floor, on top my vomits, in the death and life struggle state, I did something inside my mind.
I'm quitting magic.
So i destroyed the hard-attained vessel for magic within me.
So, even if I wanted to, I cannot and won't be able to.
Good riddance isn't it?
This universe, work with one golden rule. Equivalent trade. It is the unspoken universal truth.
If you need something, you pay something of equal value.
It's not only applicable for our daily life, but to all things under the heaven.
I don't know who set the rule, but it exist.
To explain it simply, if you need to make a fire, a fuel is needed for it, and the cost of producing the fuel is paid for it.
How should I phrase it?
Let say it like this, in ancient times, a tree needs to die, dried up then you used the chopped logs to fuel the fire.
Nowadays we use butane burners, or some liquid petroleum gas.
Human drilled the seabed for oil and tapped the gases from earth. You see nothing about it?
Didn't you notice the heat nowadays? The worsening situation on our planet, the climate, the natural disasters, many things around, that came as price of this unnecessary harvesting the planet.
That's the best showcase for this equivalent trade rule.
Not today, but surely somewhere in the future, all human will pay the price for taking from Earth.
I'm sounding like a tree hugger now?
Let's catch some breath, and calm down for a bit. And I will continue someday.
It is just a rambling about nothing anyway.
So, till next time.
