I believe it was last year I post my previous entry.
Without me realising it, it's almost a full year since the last entry.
Nothing much happening, it's just life that happened, while I'm still the same old me.
I'm an uncle now, that's an inevitable fact for one, my sis Nana gave birth to this pretty and healthy baby girl.
She borrowed my 'alias' for her baby's name.
Kind of a personal mixed feelings for me to know that now another person is using my alias for life.
Well, if you may, the alias I made for myself is Zeraphyne.
A borrowed word from Hebrew language for addressing certain higher ranking in the hierarchical angelic beings, the seraphims.
The Seraphims, are one of the highest ranking angels in the heavenly angelic realms, like the Archangel Michael, or Gabriel or the Catholic canonised angels like Raphael and other high ranking angels, even the fallen Luciel is originally a seraph, he is best known today as Lucifer.
But enough about that particular being, we're not focusing about that entity in this entry.
Seraphim, or seraphs are best described in Scripture from the vision of prophet Isaiah (Isaiah 6:1), where Isaiah saw the sky unfolding and out came angelic beings with six wings, two were used to cover their face, two wings covering their feet, and the last pair used to fly. The angels cried "Holy, Holy, Holy, LORD of Host, the whole earth is full of His glory."
According to their literal translation, seraph, or saraphs (the Hebrew spelling), mean "burning one", another translation for it, is "serpen".
The writing in Hebrew are as such: שׂרָפַים (serafim) or שָׂרָף (saraph-singular form)
Of how a seraphim changed into zeraphyne, is all on my intentional invention part. From שׂרָפַים into ֶזֹרָפַים (serafim into zerafim)
I change the character tsin (ש) into zayin (ז) by my own.
In Kabbalah tradition, the word zayin can be translated as weapon. But that's not my intention by changing tsin into zayin.
My purpose of using zayin instead of tsin, is the numerological meaning according to Kabbalah, making tsin into zayin, because zayin also have meaning and purpose as everlasting. Making the makeshift translation into "everburning one", with a personal prayer behind the change, making myself as a person that always have a burning passion to serve the Lord.
A bit of a stretch, yes I know and I admit it as my part of mistake, but yes I intended to use that name as how I address myself deep within.
Yes, I believe I've told you all about my real given name, Joshua, and of how I saw myself in that name, I felt pressured by my own name, hence I change my name for myself at least.
By changing how I internally address myself, is not my demonstration act of rebel to be honest, but rather as a way of me seeking comfort of mind for myself.
Maybe I forgotten it or maybe I've told you before in my previous, previous, I don't know which post to be sure myself. But, yes, I don't find comfort in my own household, my innermost circle, my family.
Yes, my father is abusive, yes my mother is neglecting mother, but that's not it.
Maybe I've told this before, that I was conceived out of wedlock, and my parents are somewhat 'forced' to marry and cope and trapped within this marriage.
I'm not licking my own wound and having a pity party by again quoting this. But I still can't help myself to notice it even till this very day, that I somehow seemed to be the stranger within the family, as if I was labelled as the bad egg.
I cannot help to notice of how my parents treat me different from the rest of my siblings, and that's fine actually, just it linger somewhere from time to time inside my head during my weakest moments, of how I know that it's nobody fault that I was treated like such, and I don't actually blame anybody for it, yet it saddens me at times.
Somewhere in my adolescent years, maybe I was 14th, maybe somewhere around that age, I come to know of the other side.
The world we lived in, is simply categorize into two sides, the bright side, and the dark side, well, I've come to dine and have a few date with the dark side, I'm talking in parable here, note my hint if you may.
Yes, the Joshua from the past, is a person who has delved his fingers in the art of the occult, I came in contact with some groups consciously worshipping the antithesis of light. I've also further my practice quite diligently to gain the so called 'supernatural knowledge' and I can say that I'm quite adept at it if I may say it humbly.
Hence, I came to hesitate to my birth name, since I used the name Joshua as an occult in my past, when I came into the light side, when God forcibly drag me to His side, when I encounter my first love in Him, I cannot help to despise my old name, my legal and birth given name.
That's my reason for creating the new name for myself.
I can sanely say that I've fallen hard head over heels by God's love for me, of how suddenly the passages of the scripture suddenly came out to life in my head after I met the truest Light, and that's what drove me to be 'crazy' in love with God. For that, is a story to be tell in the future, I cannot promise it yet, but it's for another day okay, (ps: if I can remember my promise in the future, then I'll write another entry about it)
Returning to the story behind seraphims and how and why Zeraphyne.
According to Bible scripture, seraphims are Angels that serve the Lord, they get the honor to worship God directly, they are like the cherubs, but even more special than ordinary cherubs.
That's how I came to build a name based on the name seraphim, with a little bit of my personal twist to makeshift a new name for me.
A little bit trivia, the passage from Isaiah 6:1-7 is the very first passage that I used for my very first devotional preaching in my seminary class.
Maybe because I make a name based from that passage, or maybe that passage initially resonate within my soul so much so that I made my very first devotional sharing from that passage.
The devotional goes as such.
From verse 1-7 we met with a situation, the calling of Isaiah to be a prophet.
The described story are as such, Isaiah saw a vision, that God is sitting on a high throne and the end of His robe is covering the Holy Temple of Solomon, and Isaiah saw angels, the Seraphims, flying here and about above God's throne, they are crying loudly from one to another among themselves the seraphims, "Holy, Holy, Holy, LORD GOD of hosts: the whole earth is full of His glory."
Then in that very vision, Isaiah saw the glory of God manifesting that caused the posts of the temple door shook and tremble heavily, and out came smoke filling the temple all around, smoke everywhere.
The very first reaction of Isaiah, is fear.
He said, woe is he, that he is undone, that he is unclean, his lips are tainted and suchs.
The next verse recorded that one seraph flew down and bring a burning coal on his hand, which was taken using tongs from the altar.
In Old Testament it was explained that the altar within the Temple is kept burning forever ever since the day of the Camp of Tabernacle, since the days of Moses, and the burning altar, with all attributes about is, is state as 'Holy', and having a capability of consecrating other objects.
And a burning coal, is what the seraphim used to touch Isaiah's lips, consecrating his lips.
My point in quoting that passage, was the natural reaction of humankind when they first met the truest presence of God, fear.
Isaiah suddenly remembered his sinful nature, of his mistakes.
You see, God is Light, He is the very definition and source of Light itself, and when we, sinful creation of His that long forgotten what it is to be in the Light, met this very presence, it is the utmost honesty to our sinful and fallen nature for us to react in fear, for our God is also an all consuming fire, to be honest with you, nothing stands before Him, nothing can survive His presence, that's why He sustained us with His mercy at the same time, that we might lived yet another day to tell the world of His glory. But that's another totally different topic to discuss another day.
You see, as if an invisible separating line were to be drawn out into existence, that God is over the other side with all of His grandeur and everburning glory, and us sinning human were on the exact opposite of God, with our disgusting sinful nature, so dark and completely blind by our diligently sinning top notch talent, so much so, we are completely ignorant and unable to by our own initiative, to realise that God is Holy, even more so, unable to come into realisation out of ourself and by ourself to come closer to God's side, none of such with of sinning nature. That's how low human has fallen short from God, so astray, broken and suffering.
And when the presence of God suddenly unfolds before us, we intuitively and instantly feared this very presence.
For things in this world exist in two exact opposites, that is a universal truth for sure.
Light and Darkness cannot intermingle nor they combine to create a grey zone. None of such, it's was our sinful and utmost humane nature to overcomplicate things and creating many grey arguments, and that's also another truth for my opinion.
When Light came before us, of course we suddenly aware of our nature, for Light unveils every darkness, where there is light, the darkness were stripped bare with nowhere and nothing to hide anymore.
The same is for Isaiah, and so is for us, every human being.
But you see, God is merciful, he reveals all of His glory, we realised our sins, and we are sorry and afraid for our sins, then He poured His grace of forgiveness in the next turn of moment.
That's the case for the God of Bible that I know, and that's what help me to see myself in a better perspective.
Oh how I sinned and sinned in my ignorant false diligence in my younger years,
Oh how I still laments my younger self to be so stupid and utterly moronic for holding hands with darkness.
But the God of the Bible that reveals Himself to me after I took a stupid decision to attempt un-alive-ing myself is also a merciful God, that He sees me eyes to eyes, and what He saw is beyond my darkest and utmost wickedness. I believe God is the God of second chance, the third and fourth, and the 'n' number of chances, that in His great and long-lasting enduring patience, He gave me another hope to lived on, a new cause to keep breathing, and another day to bear his holy burden, my daily cross, while he sustains my faith, renewed my heart, strengthens my soul to seek Him more and more. That His mercy is bigger than my darkest past mistakes.
That even this very person with a wicked black-hearted such as me is forgiven in Him.
As to my dark past and this sudden turn of tide in my life, I suddenly responded differently to Bible scriptures, a bit much too passionate if I may say, let say, the scripture verses suddenly come to live before my renewed mind, I met my first love, God Himself, and that newfound God-given passion is working at the same time with regrets.
Then the passage came in one of my morning devotional reading, the part where a seraphim brought burning holy coal to 'clean' Isaiah's lips resonates within me.
And I pray and pray, and I pray even more, and secretly that name, with my still fresh as if yesterday prayer for that name, is a prayer for God to make me to even more passionate to seek Him, like an ever burning coal.
In my regrets, and also a way of finding comfort of mind, that's how that name came into existence.
That's how I came to term of that name, Zeraphyne, with my small footnote, hoping to be forever having a burning passion to seek God, to serve Him, not for money, nor fame, or any human recognition nor any entitlement, simply hoping that if one day God reminded about me, I hope that He is smiling to Himself when He thinks of me. That is what I truly hope and deem as a worth-it case, even if my weak and feeble mortal body will one day cease to exist and perish into nothingness.
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