I wasn't born this way, was I?

We often heard this phrase, "I wasn't born this way", "I supposed to be a better person..." or "I was trapped with the circumstances and was forced to be like this" or worst, "God created me this way..." This happens all the time, anywhere, with most people among us. Well, folks... It's true that most people regret their own nature, they blamed many thing in life, instead accepting that was the result of their own free will, they were the one that choose to be like that, choose to walk that path.

With all respect, I'm not trying to corner some people here, which have a different lifestyle from most people in the civilization. But, I'm trying to invite all of us to re-think about this matter of fact for a moment. If we choose to stay neutral for a while and try to see it from nobody's boots. See everything just like how it is supposed to be.

I believe that each of us is the product of our past. We are what we did and experience in the past. It is the bitter truth that each of us faced and dealt with all along. There is nobody that isn't their past's product. One way or another in somehow somewhere in certain point of our life, we faced a certain occasion that change or give a certain kick in our memory that made us be like we are today. Whether it was good memories, or even a dark traumatizing experience.

We grew in this corrupted world, where everything wasn't in perfect harmony anymore... All things that happens in this world got the potential to bring harm to us. I'm not exaggerating my statement here, nor even bubbling another unnecessary fear here. They only way to attain a perfect life is to be aware of everything. That's why I invite each of us to be mentally alert with these things, that all so long had been ignored from our conscious mind.

To bring a great change in life, we had to start with a big realization of things, many things, that could possibly the major cause of our misery. In this case, this topic, is the past that each of us got behind us.

Many nowadays theory, teach us that each of us is the product of our past. It is true, but the answer of our struggle to survive was unsatisfactory enough. Mostly these self-help theory suggest us to accept our nature. Acceptance is the one and only cure. You become like that because that is the way you were destined to be. So rather than struggle any further and causin unnecessary pain. It will become wiser to stop struggling and accept that. At certain point, I do agree with this, but it doesn't stop there. We gotta do something! Not just accept everything become the victim of our past, and sit back and just let the past drive our act wildly, causing another further damages. No! It should stop, and it wasn't supposed to be like that also.

We are what we did/experienced. It is true! We should accept our past, any bad things, unfavorable memories, et cetera... It also true! But then, after you're done with make peace with your past, it doesn't mean that you can now freely walk the path that your past had brought you into. I don't want to mentions examples here, since it brought many controversial issue here. I'm avoiding unnecessary argument ahead. But if you insist me on mentioning one example, Here we go...

"Let say, that I was a normal kid, and grew in a normal family, but, somewhere somehow I didn't grow into a perfectly normal guy, I got this insecure feeling being as my gender suppose to be in community, I got a 'gender identity crisis' I feel insecure to appeal in the community as a man I supposed to be, I feel deep inside that I was a pretty girl, but I was too afraid to confess to other... In the end, I moved far-far away to another town, got myself hooked with plastic surgeon, make some tweak here and there with my body-parts, went into governmental administration bureau make some paper work, and voila... I lady I become..."

That is one example, one common example we can find easily these days... They believe they wasn't born that way, they feel insecure and many other argument. Maybe several numbers went into a counselor, and got the same advice, to make peace with the past... Accept it just as it is...

But it wasn't supposed to be like that, I never was... People these day quit to fast... They got cornered, stuck in certain position, and give up... Dear fella, it wasn't suppose to be like that.

We have to fight for what was right. What God created us to be, If you were destined to be a big tree, why end your life as a sapling? If you were destined to be a great person, why give up as a big loser?

Hereby, I invite us, each of us, together, to make peace with our past, but then continue walk on, struggle, fight, and in the end... conquer our problems, the problems that our past cornered us into. It can be anything, overeating, shame, pain, certain disorder, certain addiction... whatever.... We can change our life, since it was ours to begin with, the life is present, what matter is present, not the past, so... Fight it, with all of your might, fight like there will be no tomorrow, and mostly... Expect God to enable you to walk the path that you choose to walk. The fight that you willingly choose to fight. The fight to freedom, To a better me, To a better tomorrow...

Never give up hope, dear fella. Never give up...

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The Reason of my existence

I once remembered, asking myself about the reason of my existence.
I believe, that some of you, my dear reader... also ever experience this... Askin the same question to yourself. 'Why?' Yes... 'Why?', 'Why ever I existed in this world?' There must be some kind of purpose in it, well, if you agree with me that we come out and produced out from one Great Almighty Deity that we also known as God, you will also agree with me that we got a reason behind our existence. But for those of you who believe that we just came from cosmic particle that was produced out of nothin under the great law of gravity, and many other outstanding evolution theory, maybe you deserve my pity, since you got no reason to live and therefore got no purpose of living also, since you just exist by some mathematical possibility, and from whence just keep on living until you returned into nothingnes... What a pity...

Okay, it's been running too far from I predicted, but let's return to our main topic...

"There must be an answer.... NO! There should be an answer! Since God already created me, and make me walk my life... So, There must be an answer!"

Yes, indeed... "There must be an answer for my existence," you know, behind all of this things, this worldy thingies, this daily struggle, all this pain, hurt feeling, sad, and miserable life...

Maybe we all tired of living our life, and began to question about the reason off our existence... Maybe sometime we felt like we are being toyed by a bigger wave, tossed to and fro within this current of life

There must be some reason, there must be! It is true my friend... It's true, there might be reason for everything, including the reason of our existence. But, sometime we forgot about it, or to lazy to think, to open our heart and mind, and to lazy to seek.

Therefore, dear readers, I just ask each of you to do this simple things. It seems too easy, too good to be true, or too silly for all of you, but believe me. This is the only way, to know the answer of your existence.

Just like the things we used to do when something in our house happen to be broken, some electrical appliances maybe... If this happen, what will u do? Ask the manufacturer rite? Well, too complicated... U call the technician, the one that had learn the way to repair thingies from the manufacturer. Then that technician will come rite away and fix the problem... Done! All back to a happy life, where everythin functioned well...

The same applies to our life, like I mentioned before, Ask the manufacturer, "why must the manufacturer?" u said. Well, goes to the manufacturer will be much better and give u a way better result rather than callin a technician, since there is a possibility that the technician cheated or pretended to be the person he didn't(an imposter I mean).

What I'm tryin to tell u, my dear readers, is that the fact... that life is hard, yes so true... Life is full of struggle, Indeed. But life, can turned sweet,"if only you know your life purpose, and the only way to know your divinde purpose of living is by asking 'the manufacturer', Yes... Ask God -don't began to actin funny now- Ask Him, because He is the one who created us, the One who is in charge in everything.

But, how?-good question- How.... We wonder how? How to ask Him, and how can I ever know it, if He replies, since I never heard Him talking to me.... Well, you got that wrong, my brothers n sisters.... God talks to you, all the time... (yea rite, such a crap)

No, believe me...

Have you ever wonder when you need to do something but dunno how to solve it, but suddenly you got an idea about how to do it, u try it, and it works!

Have you experience this? when you were alone and feel so insecure, and got nobody else to depend unto, and at last you ask God for help, and suddenly you got the courage to stand again, out of nowhere...

Well, the only explanation is that God is the one that doin the job there, He talk to each of us, in a way so simple, that sometime we doesn't recognize it as His works... But in fact, He is....

So now, we know where to begin... Ask God... or should I give you the gist of it?

If you ask me, I'll tell you according to what I know. And what I know comes from the Bible.
Bible tells us that God created us because He is love and He love us so, and He create us in a good nature...

If you know this fact, that He create us because he love us so much, it will help you to walk this life much easier... (Yea, easier to says than done... The talk job seem always that easy...) But it's true... God love us so, sometimes you doesn't realize it, but He still a loving God, and the fact that we still inhale the air without any problem proove my statement... What happen if suddenly the oxygen taken out from the air? No more life existent.... We all died... See? It's one of the small proove that God do love you... So, by knowing this fact, won't you see that there is a "Person" that still love you, always be there for you. And always eager to have a good relations with you.

When you know that... It will give you the awareness that because the one that created you love you so, it means He will do all good things to you in your life. No bad things comes from God, and it means your life should be a better one, not a miserable one.

If you know that you were loved by Him, there must be a small fix in your lifestyle. Now, we life for God, since He is the creator of our life, he holds our future and destiny. In my latest post, I already share you about losing something to gain everything. Now, I'm gonna emphasize it one more time, and try to quote it from different perspective.

"When you give your life to God, it seems that you had lost it now and then...  But actually you got something better... Something waay better that what u can afford when u tried to do by your own... Since He is the creator, it means He owns everything, and if the owner gave u a happy life, He'll do it, and He promised to give u a wonderful life, a future full of hope."

So, dear friend... I invite you to do it, live your life for God, because when you decide to do so, it means you will gain a life that leaded by God, the life that you can never imagine of, a life full of suprise and joy moment with the touch of the Master's hand....

Divine calling, to know that I am loved, that I can live my life with my Creator, to returned my right of living my life by my own power to Him, and gain a new one that is full of my Creator plans for me, full of the good things that He got in store for me....

Be Blessed, all...

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To loose something, yet to gain everything

I've been told once, that to obtain something, something else needed to be 'sacrificed'. That there is no free gift in the world. For a kid of my age, it took a great understanding to receive this 'shocking' statement.

As time goes by, this fundamental concept prove the truth. We do need to 'sacrifice' something in order to gain what we want. But the problem is, that sometime we found it quite difficult to let go of something, moreover if it related about things that we hold dear.

Just an opinion of mine... I think that when I heard about the term of "let go", what comes to mind is the picture about feeling of loss (for sure), sad, unwilling, and many other unpleasant feelings.


We are born with this nature, to be able to feel an affection toward something. It's natural, and such a great gift in life. Imagine if we, as human being, aren't born in this kind of nature, what a misery world it would be?

But sometime(always sometime...). This gift could turned sour in one way or another, we misuse it by giving to much care toward it, we spent to much time by doing this things, we forgot our main purpose of possessin it in the first place. The object become the master, and the master falls deep into the pit of material or emotional slavery. Perhaps, I used way too extreme words to describe it, but believe me, I've saw many things like that, whether you realize it or not, it happens everywhere, it happened among us...

 Imagine, you got a new PSP(just for an example, I'm not saying PSP is bad...lol), or a new iPhone, or netbook, you name it... for your birthday. You were very happy (who won't...lol again), it seems like the world become brighter, more vivid and colourfull. You bring it everywhere, brag about it to anybody you meet(well not that extreme, but at least you got what I mean), bring it everywhere(I've mentioned it before-my bad) even to bed, to the bathroom, school, anywhere. You and that new thing become a soulmate in no time, without realizing it, you have give most of your time with it, the 'new thing', you can't life without it. Now you see! It's wasn't a mere object to you, it already become your master.

Maybe, some of you denied it by saying that I'm exaggerating many things here, but believe me... I'm saying this because I've experience it myself, and sharing it here because I care about you (whoever you might be... But, do believe me! With all of my heart, I do care about you.).

Bible warned us about this kind of situation since ancient time (don't put that kind of face when I'm mentioning about Bible here, read it first then see it yourself whether it teach the truth or just a crap). That human being being threathened by the risk of this kind of slavery(when your life being centered by things, and you feel that you can't live without it). It could be many things; your gadgets, your money, your kids, your life-partner, many things... your job, your hobbies, your desires, and much more(not gonna spend whole day mentioning all of the things).

And what it tells us then? Simple, just as simple as it come, just let it go... Yeah, let it go!(If you put face when you hear the word 'let it go' it means, you allready in it-being enslaved I mean), worry not it never to late to change! Never to late, dear fella... What it take is, just admit that you are imprisoned (if you prefer slavery is way too extreme, imprisoned then...), admit it with all of your heart, and decide to change, to transformed into a better person, a better life, and just as soon as it comes, let it go, just like that... Simple

Yea, simple you say... But, for some people, it is a big fight, a blood-sweat struggle. It's alrite, I can understand it, because you give too much time with it, and your heart linger toward it after all along. I can understand... but it doesn't mean that you can still dwell in that pit, for your own better good, you need 2 be parted with it, sooner or later. The sooner is the best.

What use of it, if you still keep 'chained' 'leashed' to that habit, things, while you walk your daily life? Hey, we're missing many good things that life offers to us, many opportunities, if we just shut ourself from the inside, by spending the time with what that I called 'imprisoning' our life.

So, friend... It is now yours to make, the decision is all your's to make, going to a counselor or taking pills won't cure you, you yourself is the one and only that able to make yourself survive through all of this hindrance.... I pray that you choose the best, pick the right choice, to be a free person, and gained many things from life, rather than just spending yourself with your gadget, or other things that had took most of your time... Be blessed...

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No Pain, No Gain

Hiya, been couple of days since my last post, well... Things happens, problems come and go, but still... life must go on, and in the end lessons will be learned. Today, I wanna share several thing about my latest experience, pain... Yes... pain, that pain, the pain, that awful, unpleasant thingies... he2...

Just like our main topic today, I believe in our life, there are certain circumstances that'll give us headache in many way. There are several situation that corner us, and made us helpless, hopeless sometimes. Sometime these situations turned really bad, and causes many unpleasant result, mostly pain.

Pain, is a natural gift that we ever have, to alarmed our conscious, our mind about many unpleasant thing, that could turned out to be a danger possibility for ourself. But... I'm not tryin to discuss anythin about physical pain here, but rather talk about emotional pain. Things that make you feel awful, bad, sorrow, sad, mad, you named it...

What I learned so far, and from several occasion from the past, "A pain doesn't always have to be a bad thing. It is, but sometime it can be a dear friend to us, a wise teacher even."

Another question pops then, "But... How?" "How can an unpleasant thing, become friend to us, even a teacher?" Relax, settle down a little bit.

It is true, when we feel sad, everything turned sour for us, at least, we felt so...
But, let's not focus on the bad side... When you're in pain, it is true that you feel awful, and it allright o cry for once in a while, but hey! Let's not focus on that side only, there must be another side of being in pain, the other side, the one that you can take benefit from, that will make you stronger, arise and shine again...

To be emotional is good sometimes, beside, it's part of bein human... to have feelings, and no one to blame you for it, but let's remember one thing, sad is fine, cryin once in a while is acceptable, but don't fall into a self-pity state, don't begin to take pity on yourself.

When you have calmed yourself, and it seems not that hurt anymore, let's recall about the unpleasant experience, think about it, see it from another shoes, don't see it from your point of view only, see it from the third person eyes, find what causes it, judge it from the neutral-state of mind.

And then, you will find that the pain is not that hurting anymore, you will learn a new thing, one thing that you haven't realize before.

Well, the bible does mention that the merry heart is a medicine for soul, meanwhile a broken spirit dries the bones. The same foundamental thing applies here, you will rather more productive when you are happy, that's why, cheer up... What come may, everythin just gonna be allrite... Sometime clouds come and hides the sun, but it doesn't means everything, the sun still there, you just can't see it with your eyes due to the bad weather, but it is, the sun is still there, just wait and see... Everything will be just fine, the sun will still showes after the rain... Take a deep breath, and just sit there nicely, wait for the sun to come again...

Even, while I write these blog post, I feel such blessing for my soul, the problem still here, but I don't see it as big as it is before, I begin to understand, just accept everything without much complain, and still try to turned my days bright... As bright as before... Have a nice day all...

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The 'BBM' a.k.a. 'Bahan Bakar Minyak'(Indonesian)-Fuel Oil Dilemma

As what you can find on Internet, or heard on the news. Here in Indonesia, lately the government has decided to raise the fuel oil fare, the raise estimated arround 30% from the latest fare. For several years long, Indonesian government has release a big amount of budget for subventing the fuel fare, well... it is true that the majority of Indonesian people living below the poverty line. That is why such subventing act is expected from the government. However, only a few of the people who realize that the actions of these benefits is funded on the basis of the national debt. If this action continues, the national debt will most likely gettin worse.

I'm not trying to defend the government, by saying this. But, let see, and see it from different angle.
On one side, the people are helpless, and they depend on the fuel to survive, for transportation, and many others. On the other hand, if our government kept spending money for the subventing policy, how can they repay the debt? It doesn't sound funny at all now... Now we see that the joke has lost it's punch.

People always claimed that buying a new vehicle helps you improve your economical situation. Well, it differs if you see it from my point of view. In fact, buying a new vehicle won't solve anything but give you more problem. It adds another huge budget demand just to buy the fuel, and the more demand of fuel drom this country, the more our government need to supply it, the more our nation's debt increase. And now the fuel price rate got to be raised. Doesn't it will make 'em struggle more? Often, they began to blame the government, and the rich also. But whom to be blamed for sure? I guess we all know the answer. And also buying a new vehicle to conquer economical situation is definitely not the right answer either?

I'm not trying to be like some weirdo, anti-technology guy. If not, why would I try to make a blog in the first place, right? he2... What I'm trying to tell you here, my dear fella... is... take look at this country, there are a lot of people, spend their money for buying a vehicle, if you got your salary, buy a motorcycle, take a credit, what a mindset. There are almost 200 million people lived under this nation, If only half of 'em got their own vehicle, how much will they spend for buying fuel, and it seems just fine, for them. Not to mention, the company vehicle, industrial machines, power plant machines, etc. All of 'em need fuel, and it doesn't seem, that the fuel will appear out of nowhere, right? The government need to supply the humongous demand of fuel, and they need to buy it also from the world oil market. Now, I hope you get the picture....

Let's try to be wise here, just do what we could to help, don't blame anybody... The main problem is that there are a lot of vehicle operates in this country, too much I could say... So, what should we then? Buy another vehicle? or, built another roadway? Of course not, silly... What we gotta do is try reduce the number of vehicle, If there are less vehicle operating in the roadway (we are talking about fuel consuming vehicle, such as motorcycle, cars, etc.) that way will also lower the consumtion number of fuel, and help the government to focus to repay the nation's debt, without having another headache to plan another extra huge budget to cover the fuel payment.

Not trying to be naive here, but there are many public transportation all arround, take benefit from it. If u got public transportaion all around, why by another vehicle, it solve nothing. Of course a lot of improvement still and always be needed from our country, but if you know something that might be an aid for the problem, then do what you can to help it, don't just argue about it, do something. If you keep arguing about many un-seen problem for you, then it will become seen/real for you. In other word, you are the one that creates the problem, nobody else, what I try to tell you is, just be wise all the time, don't blame other, don't whine about something before you did another research about the problem, see it first from different perspective. Then you will find yourself in perfect peace. Because when you see it from all aspect, from all possible perspective, you will realize the main problem, and you also will find the answer to it.

I believe in this life, everything we are in today, whatever struggle we had nowaday, is caused by our own act. We had the struggle because we 'choose' to be in it, and sometime, unconsciously we enjoy it, though we suffers, we still take comfort, like nothing happens, such ignorance...
Bible tells, that every person judged by their own action. The same principle applied here, the one that made the government keep supplying the fuel is us, the people. Indirectly, we are the cause of the fuel raise. Why blame others, because of our own missconduct? A little bit harsh I guess, but believe me, it's the fact.

Do something for it, don't waste time just by blaming others, because complaining never solve the problem. Have a nice day...

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It's been a while... :D

Dear blog, time passed by without a single new post since the last one on November last year...

Now, I'm back 2 Jakarta, many things happen, the family matter that I had 2 deal with is no longer a problem.

I've decided 2 moved back 2 Jakarta, leaving my family behind @ Pekanbaru, the main purpose is 2 get a job and get steady...

Well, u know, I got a job, in a good company too, well, the payment is lame... But it's alright, I mean, I'm a theologian, A Bachelor of Theology, but I got a job as a stock analyst from a good company, which still a branch company that owned by this country... Nice, isn't it?

Just like other Fresh Graduate, I got accepted with a probation status 4 3 months, and later on they will decide 2 accept me as a permanent employee or not, but still, it's fine 4 me

Let say, several friends of mine asked this question 2 me, "u got a way 2 different educational background with ur job now, is it all rite?" or "Aren't u s'ppose 2 be a theologian, or u know... a 'pastor'? Ermm... I mean, if u decide 2 go to a theological seminary, it means that u got 2 be a pastor, and it means u also planned 2 be so..."

Oh, well, even if I decide not to be a what they call as God's servant(a.k.a. 'pastor' or 'minister', u name it), isn't it my rights to decide about what should I deal with my life, well, u know, we can have our ministry as Christians, though we're not having a 'ministry' at church, God not limited with religion, He still a universal God, and God help everyone without differentiate many human aspect such as: religion, race, colors, etc.


That's why, If somebody dare 2 declare that they're the so called servants of God, and claimed that they do everything for the sake of  the Lord, u know, doing God's work.... But, they pulled away from community, never touch other life aspect, as u can say, marketplace, professional world, how can they become a good example, if they claimed to be the "Salt & Light of the World"

I mean, I have no intention of bad-mouthing about a religion, but... C'mon, nowadays a believer, we got to open up our mind, not just being like 'angel on earth' pretending to be a saint, holy, and many other excuses...


Well, in the end, here I am now, sound and safe, still under God's Grace, and mainly survive because His loving kindness only... Starting a new chapter of my life, start my ministry startin from where I stand, my workin environment, my workplace, May God help me... c.yaa....

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